Day 53: A Summer Bromance

Day 53: A Summer Bromance 

I type this before I jump into a math chapter of graphs I barely know anything about. God knows how I'll pass IG's. The amount of pressure is unbearable. Here's a nice fact about me. I guess how my week is going to be based on football results on the weekend. And, yesterday, Chelsea lost. Far from a good sign. Add to that the fact that every team I hate won. I'm highly superstitious when it comes to things like this. The fact that I have a lot of things taking this place is far from comforting too. Math test tomorrow, religion test on Tuesday, chemistry test on Wednesday, and a history report due God knows when. Parent's evening on Wednesday or something too. I mean this situation can't get any worse. The thing is, I never have time to "just study". I do, but it's not enough. For example, I just woke up around 30 minutes ago. I need at least half an hour to get myself properly functioning. By the time I ate something and freshened up for my day, it'll be around 11:45. Assume I have two hours of homework. By the time I'm done it's around 2. I have 3 hours and a half to study. I have to get a million things I barely understand perfectly in my mind by that time. Around 5, I leave for a lesson and by the time I'm back, it's 9, and my mind has had so many things thrown at it, it just simply closes off, I'm fatigued, and by 10, I probably fall asleep in my clothes without even noticing. The daily life of an IG candidate. I barely interact with people anymore. I mean it's not just my weekends that these lessons have ruined, but notice in that schedule, I don't even have time to just watch TV. Listen to music, text a few friends. I've been horrible at keeping in touch lately, and if you're one of those people I used to talk on a daily basis, my deepest apologies, don't blame me, blame the IG life. The past week hasn't been very productive educationally. Every time I decide to study, I fall asleep (I think my mind does it on purpose). Countless doses of caffeine don't work anymore, as if my body has developed some type of biological immunity to it. But then again, it hasn't been completely unproductive when it comes to things such as pointless girls and friends drama (then again, when do I ever get a break from shit like that). I was nothing more than a crush. Those words were said recently  and damn did they finally bring some logic into some of this shit. I'm nothing more than the crush kind of guy you feel me? I mean I'll be super kind and a girl will take if for flirting, while acknowledging the fact that I probably say similar things to every girl I talk to, which is true, I am sadly, the nice guy person who won't ever put you down. I'm not hideous (at least I hope not). I'm immature and will occasionally make sexual jokes and push my limits thus offending a female, and then apologizing in some emotional way which makes me come of as I don't know, something. But add to the mix the fact that at times I turn into some philosophical character and say shit which could be quite impressive. I'll make forever alone and internet jokes. I mean the list of things I do does seem to go on. And to some girl that's really "cute". Boom! Next day I'm in my philosophical or whatever mood, play with words and make her admit slight emotions (even if it's just attraction), push things up a level, date for a few months, and then she figures, I was nothing more than a crush driven by the major lust females have but deny. When that happens, I get ignored for a month (majorly uncalled for ironic yet funny remark, well at least to me), get a text out of the blue when absolutely everything is going fine (another ironic remark), or yeah, you get what I mean. I'm easily attached therefore I can't do much about it, I get a text with the usual "it wasn't you, it was me" speech stolen off some cheesy and extremely popular dramatic TV show, and I'm back to how things were. Add to the mix that it barely takes me any time to get over someone no matter how attached I am. Give it a week, and I'm cracking jokes about the billions of flaws I missed the whole time! I usually blame myself for things, like hey, I never should have done that, or said that. That's the reason. Everyone agrees to it. But no. It's never something I did. It's simply who I am. I am blabbing on so I'll pause myself. Just for the record, I get it's not right for me to classify myself as whatever I just classified myself as, but then again, not like someone else has a blog about me, so I'll just speak from unbiased and real perspective as much as I can. I really wanted to talk about something more important considering I put things like that on hold. The community I'm in based on hypocrisy is killing me. I'll leave that to the next post though, and sincerest apologies for my uncalled for remarks. I'm an sarcastic asshole, one of the traits that make me fall in love with myself. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 52: Bagpipes From Baghdad

Day 52: Bagpipes From Baghdad

I type this blog while listening to some Santana, meaning I'm in somewhat of a positive mood. There's so much I want to talk about today. I was reading the post of one of my friends, and she was on point with something I could highly relate to. I'm a prefect. Same kind as the one's in Harry Potter or whatever, if you go to the typical third world school, Google what it is, I'm not going to explain what a prefect is. I mean she's head girl which is a much larger responsibility. But even though, I still have to a do a few things every now and then that a typical student wouldn't do. Some of these things require respect from other students. That's the problem, I barely get any. What am I going to do? Snitch? Throw a punch? Obviously not. There's no solution. It's overrated. The only perk is that at times, well actually rarely, I get to show up 5 minutes late or something. Other than that, whenever I do something wrong or mess around (which is a lot), I get this whole lecture from teachers over how I'm a prefect and should set an example. Set an example? Do you not know this school? All these children are a bunch of immature, stuck up brats. I mean I'm included at times, but they just take it to a whole new level. I sincerely wish anyone who has no sense of respect and wants to appear cool nothing but suffering. You truly don't deserve anything you were blessed with. Ignorant cunts. In addition, there's this kid who is like 5 years younger than me thinking he can push me around. It's funny because the only reason I stay quiet is that I know it's not the kid. I mean he's a kid, but he knows I at any given moment can just slap him. What I've noticed is that that's exactly what they want me to do. They, not him. Someone wants me to lose my nerve, do that, and then use that as an excuse to come after me. Might as well give them what they want. This will probably in some sort of physical confrontation, which I always tried to avoid. But it's been what, 5 years since I got in some decent fight. Plus I was daredevil child, short back then, but I was always able to whoop ass pretty badly. Not cause I was strong, but I guess it was just instinctive. I hit quick, far from hard since I'm not well built, but did damage and could majorly take some. Let's hope I still got that. I hate when I'm forced into things like this, but fuck it, I won't be pushed around by some hypocrite cunts. I just hate how the society I live in is built on fear, not respect. Ironically, with all due respect, and not fear, Fiasco Out.  

Day 51: Where's The Drum and Bass?

Day 51: Where's The Drum and Bass? 

Seems like I'm committing well at the moment! (Note the sarcasm) By this post I probably would've hit 4,000. I suffer from lack of material at the moment. I mean to be honest, I tried posting the day after my previous post, and I had nothing good to talk about. What do I blame? Without a doubt the whole IGCSE situation. It basically has killed off all my priorities and concerns. I mean I spend an extra 15 hours a day (so that's technically two school days) in night lessons. Add it and it's like going to school all week basically. The one day which I can go out, I have a lesson on that finishes at 9 on. I also have to be home before midnight. So I basically have 3 hours which I'm allowed to have somewhat of a social life on. I mean I don't spend my whole day studying. Matter of fact, I haven't studied anything like for the sake of studying yet. I just do my homework and all and use that as my form of studying. I was never good with straight up exams and all that, but this is a life changing one, so I'll make sure I don't mess this one up. So yesterday was the weekend! Was an okay day, would've been really good if the place wasn't crowded. I just have an issue when I know too many people at one place, and there's just no space in general. I usually can't sort the place out, nor do I feel comfortable. I was in a good mood though, so that's ironic judging on the amounts of people that came. I mean that's my lack of material right there, no dramatic stories which everyone wants, nothing major coming up. My life is pretty much at a stead hold moment. Nothing really happening. I'll focus on school, my future, and that's it. Not like I have time for anything else. And to be honest, not like I need anything getting in the way of that. With all due respect, Fiasco out.  

Day 50: Bolly Will Take Medusa!

Day 50: Bolly Will Take Medusa!

Day 50! It's finally here! I'd just like to propose a toast at the moment. Firstly, I'd like to thank Acer for producing the laptop through which I type, Zain for providing the internet which I use, and lastly my readers. I'm just attempting to be funny. It's Day 50, and I honestly don't expect more than 50 views on my page, but astonishingly, you all have me just a tad away from 4,000 which we'll hit in a day or two. So thank you all. I may not know you, but I feel like if you're reading this, we're family. And we've grown together through this journey, and soon enough, we'll be on Day 100! I haven't posted in a while. I'm an IG candidate with my whole life ahead of me, so it's a bit tough finding time to post. I will try my best though, at times I'll post almost daily, and at other times, I barely will, so please bare with me. Let's see? Damn I have a lot to talk about. Okay, so this is awkward considering up to Day 40 or so I was bragging about how awesome my relationship is. Punch line is, I'm single (willing to mingle for all the lovely ladies reading this). Why, who, what, when, where, and how? I'm just as clueless as you are about it! It's funny though. I promise you I am grinning like crazy while I type this up at the irony of the situation. I mean I want to provide a story, but I don't even know what the story is. I'm impressed by the way I'm dealing with it all though. I mean isn't life priceless. I've always been criticized for sharing too much of my personal life. But I mean no one can really use it against me considering I don't care much about my social life. Whether it shoots through the roof, or it's the worst in the school's, I couldn't care less. I guess I just let people know too much about me. But I think that's what makes me special. I don't hide much, I mean everyone has their secrets, and I'm no different. I share a lot, but you'd be surprised the things no one knows. Let's just keep it at that. I mean if I didn't share a bit too much I wouldn't have a decently successful blog. It's been forever since I posted. There really hasn't been much to talk about. There was never was, I just basically over do everything I say and make it seem interesting and something you can relate to. Something interesting that happened is we had to write a two page modern version of a fairy tale for English. I chose to write a modernized version of Cinderella. Basic summary of the summary is she's a cashier at fast food restaurant. She's a foster girl, but instead of giving her an evil step mother, I just made her a girl out of the foster system which she hates. The two evil step sisters are two models who share her apartment and pay a much larger share of the rent, therefore they pick on her and she stays quite. One day the to bitches go to a party, of the rich teen gentleman figure of the city and she's not invited. Fairy God Mother pops in, does her usual speech, convinces her to go the party. The rich gentleman guy ends up with her all night, she tells him her story, says she has to leave by midnight. He holds her, her dress and make up disappears and he kisses her! (Woo!) Okay, so I didn't want to share my story to impress you. The thing about it, it was written in the first person perspective from Cinderella's view. I had to sound, think, and act like a girl. So I chose my blogging tone, which being honest does sound like a girl (Not something I'm proud of). So I ended up scoring the highest in my class on that. Comforting ain't it? Only time I achieve something is when I'm sounding like a girl. And on that bombshell it's time to end today's post. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 49: Go Figure

Day 49: Go Figure

Well yesterday was certainly the day. In such a good mood that as I'm typing this up I feel my fingers jump with the beat of the song as if I'm playing a piano. That's the beauty of house music. I'm not rapping along to how many bitches I have or singing until my throat hurts. Jump simply moving my fingers to the beat. Hell, I feel my soul move to the beat! That was deep, so deep I can't even see myself right now. Deadmau5- Strobe (AutoLaser Remix). That's the song, just for the those who might consider checking it out. Well let's jump into the good stuff. Yesterday I met up with some friends. The thing is, we don't go to the same school. So unlike most of my people's gatherings, it's not full of gossip about how much they hate other cliques. I mean, won't be a hypocrite, I join in on those conversations as well, but having lots of random topics just flow along, was just beautiful. Like I certainly felt the vibe hit me yesterday. It's not everyday you run into people who can just naturally hit you with a positive vibe, and maybe the reason why I've had such a rough time a while back is because I was blocking that vibe. So basically, no whining today, no complaining, and certainly no subliminal messages to anyone. Today is just me acknowledging the few people who recently walked into my life and made a lot better. I mean I don't mention names but I'm sure they'll pick themselves out. There's this one girl, I can trust with my life. Like if I have any issue, she's always there. Yesterday certainly missed her, but hell, it's not everyday you find someone who you know you can trust, and in my case, I barely trust anyone, so I feel blessed to have run into her. Someone who you don't even need to tell something is wrong. They can pick your mood out through just a text. Then there's this one girl, who can light up your day with a call. I don't know if she knows it, but her smile just lights up the whole room. We've been growing closer day by day. The conversations I had with her yesterday, the laughs, what more could ask for? Her vibe is just so positive, it can probably turn the night to day. She's that one of kind person, that you'll arguably meet once in a lifetime. I could go on forever, and there's plenty of other people I met recently, but these two certainly are the ones who stand out at the moment. Apologies if I left anyone out who believes they deserve to be included, you probably do, but my posts are long enough as they are. So as of know, confidence level is still on infinite, still plenty of Arrow episodes to watch, great friends as I stated earlier, vibe is positive, DJ skills sharpening up even more as I'm starting to mix a bit of rock into my house, things are only getting better. I'm content, hell, I'm happy with my life right now. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 48: Fist Pumped The Pain Away

Day 48: Fist Pumped The Pain Away 

I'm starting to think I can seriously be diagnosed with bipolarity. Yesterday I was whining like a little bitch about a problem. Today? Watched countless episodes of Arrow (which is the best series created in the history of all TV shows known to man). Been working on music, on a rate where I download 2+ GB of music a day for the past 4 days, of every genre you can think off (except metal, hate that shit). 3 party worthy bootlegs a day. I've really been doing all I can to step up my game. Just wish I did it a bit earlier than the year I'm an IGCSE candidate. Keep in mind that I said I'm not going to be an official DJ for any party. That doesn't mean I won't show up, feature, possibly throw in a few playlists to who need them. I just won't go through the stress of planning out a party, preparing, and procedures of a party. I won't have time for all that. Yesterday, I won't lie, I had somewhat of an emotional and mental breakdown. Called one of my friends, had him over, talked it out, took some pain killers (not in an I'm an American middle age mom who's addicted to them) kind of way. They just calm me down. That made me sound like an addict. I barely take them, I don't want my social accounts and rumors tomorrow cause of a remark I made without noticing. So yeah, the mental breakdown I had yesterday was cause of the problem I posted about. It's a problem worth worrying about, one that's out of my power and in someone else's hand after I did all I could. I honestly feel pathetic, letting myself have a mental breakdown over an individual. Shows me how vulnerable I made myself. When I haven't even done something notably wrong that I'm aware of, and even if I did, not even worth being told I did something wrong. So to conclude that issue, I've made that problem a priority of mine for too long, had it nearly ruin my vacation, lose my confidence for quite a while, enter a major depression period and even have a mental breakdown over. All over nothing. I can't keep trying to force something that's two sided into one. I feel as if I'm talking to a brick wall. I'm done humiliating myself. I shouldn't keep killing myself mentally over someone who makes me feel worthless, because even if it seems like I'm worth nothing to someone at the moment, I'm worth something to a lot of people. Worth the world to some. And let's not forget, also a charmer! (Wink, wink) My confidence level has been up, my DJ skills have been majorly sharpening, and after finally getting my mind straight, rearranging my priorities for the time being. Until that problem turns from a problem over nothing to something, its far from priority. Funny right? I make it seem as if it was someone else who posted yesterday. But like I said, I've matured. Not fully as I've noted yesterday, but enough to know I decide my happiness and well being, and nothing else. I've got new killer tracks, major bootlegs, planning on making hour long pop mash-ups (Not electronic, but pop, as in something that everyone loves). They'll step into tracks from The Caribbean tropical islands, killer hip hop tracks, hottest Ibiza club hits, and even slow jam tracks for all those couples and people who like spicing things up! It's something that'll take a while so please bare with me. School's next week. Not looking forward to that. School's just overrated, and there's too many people who just disgust me. If you're reading this, you're probably not one of them! On the contrary, I'm glad I got my sanity back after a sleepless night followed by a day where I had a mental breakdown. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 47: How Can I Dance the Pain Away?

Day 47: How Can I Dance the Pain Away?  

Well I'm officially back to blogging. Before I jump into anything. Malaysia was beautiful. It was an opportunity to run away, and I took it. Well let's jump to something. I'm not there anymore, and remember how I said I can take a lot more punches and blows? Well, I've been proven right. I wish I wasn't. Being stronger just means one thing, I'm going to be able to deal with much more. That much more is directly proportional to the pain it brings. I just wish I was back in Malaysia. The thing is, I don't know if I'm a drama queen or not. Well if I wasn't, would I have a popular blog? So many things contradict. I usually sleep around midnight. I stayed up until around 6 AM last night just thinking, playing music. I have this thing I do called musical therapy. I basically start with sad songs, and go more positive. I eventually end up feeling great. Didn't work last night, for the first time in years. The thing is, I just wish I could directly just yell out my problems here or something. No escape, no one to tell, nothing. It's really one thing that's getting to me. Honestly, fuck the rest for all I care. Like I usually play mind games on people, but this time, I've fallen for this sick endless mind game myself is playing on me. It's ironic how you can allow someone just kill you emotionally without even doing anything. That's the worse kind of pain. It feels much better when they do something, but fuck, when the reason is that they're doing nothing at all, and that's killing you. It makes you feel pathetic, worthless, weak, stupid, you name every damn kind of negative thing you can feel, and you feel them. You have no one but yourself to blame. When they do something, it's like at least they went through the effort, but when there's nothing, and that's what's hurting you, it can't get worse than that. Add onto that when you try, and get nothing in return. Apart from all those negative people, you feel humiliated. You allow yourself to be in this state. Yet from everything you've seen, it doesn't seem like that someone, or fuck it, anyone cares. You tell your close friends. They end up giving you some shitty advice about how you should stop caring. Seriously? Do you think you should get some award for that. Here's a dose of reality, don't you think I would if I could. What's even better is when they tell you try after being humiliated. How? One friend said blog it, it could make you feel better, hell, if you're lucky get positive results. I doubt that. I have a much higher chance of getting negative results, and possibly give off what this is about which I don't want.( Anyone who decently knows me could probably tell, but I'll probably deny if they ask me anyways). But hell, even if the results are negative, at least I'm getting results. It usually ends up with these few friends shrugging it off and talking about how I don't deserve this and all that. (I know, I don't!) The pain majorly out weighs the pride. But I don't know if that's enough to make me lose it. I don't even know what to say anymore. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 46: Enlightenment In A Concrete Jungle



" Paradise , a breathetaking world"

It's been a while, a long one. Not fully my fault. I have internet, and I've been trying to post for days now. Issue is, the internet is on my phone, and the hotspot it provides is way too slow for my laptop, so at the moment I've sent this to a friend of mine and asked him to post it for me. So I apologize if the format is a bit off, although I'll make sure he tries and gets it decently right which shouldn't be too hard considering he's a blogger. Trying to stay committed. A quality I wish lots of people possessed. Let's not lose track, people who suck at committing to things are far from my concern today. Before I jump in to the topic, I doubt I'll be able to post until I get back to my motherland, which is around August 5th, so don't expect anything else before that date, I'm already moving mountains trying to post this one. This one be a friendly toned update of all the tourist sites I've been to and souvenirs I've bought. It'll be just as real, hell, even more real than most my blog posts. So let's gets started. Malaysia has always been special. Last year, I came back a different person from it. I'm guessing it's the food (trying to make a joke there). Why? I have no idea. I went there arguably one of the most closed, socially outcasted, and dull people. I came back, suddenly made friends, had my DJ career somewhat blow up. My name turned into a nickname, so things changed. But when I arrive in this tropical heaven, things usually take a downfall. Things this year haven't been different, in fact much worse. So last year I barely had friends, and I lost them (but I didn't like most of them anyways). Had a girl, surprise surprise, lost that too. All within the first few days of reaching heaven last year. That's a nice summary. This year, I wish it was that simple and straight forward. Last year I lost everyone I had at that time. But I was in tropical heaven so it was pretty easy getting it all of my mind. The complexity this year is a million times greater. I lost one person who meant the world to me, much more than a friend, over some stupid decisions I made. The only person who proved to me they cared throughout the years. The one person who saw me for who I really was, and who I really am. Not a single day passes where I don't think about how things were. Any who, don't want to turn this into a sadly toned post. I'm far from sad, I'm actually quite happy, how could I be not when I'm in tropical heaven? But I know you wouldn't be interested in the fun I'm having. So let's get to the climax of the story. I can already feel myself changing up. Maturing is the word for it. I finally feel like I can make my decisions on my own. If I have a problem, I keep it to myself, barely tell my friends (Which sounds a bit hypocritical since I blog most my problems like I'm doing now, but you get the point). I'm keeping in touch pretty well with almost everyone, apart from a couple people I could name, and one of them actually matters to me. So basically, there's major complexity with every aspect of my life at the moment, and wouldn't be surprised if something came crashing down on me soon. The catch is, the "Enlightenment" I feel I went through, is that now, I know I can take a lot more blows and punches then I could. I honestly don't know if my personality has changed, I can only judge on that when I interact with the people I used to. I've also decided to completely shut myself off from the world tomorrow or something. I just want it to be tropical heaven and I. There's too much negativity in my life. The next few days or so should be an escape from it. It's only from one side, but one that sadly matters to me, and to be honest, I just want to have fun! Me, myself, and this tropical heaven. That sounded quite gay. Anywho, I'm typing this up on my phone which is pretty annoying, so until I'm back to my motherland, and with all due respect, Fiasco out.

Day 45: In Love With Medusa

Day 45: In Love With Medusa

"Go on, and let your intent be seriousness"

So my last two posts got "accidentally" deleted. Not really. I just felt like I shared things which I didn't feel comfortable sharing. Enough said. Today was quite the day. For the past hour or so, I've been Skyping with a good friend of mine, Lil Man to all those who've been keeping up from the early days. I've been coldly replying and just saying "yeah, okay, sure" as replies. Why? Cause this is thinking time. My brain automatically just starts analyzing everything. It's not like I'm over thinking. It's more like I'm thinking about many prospects of my current life and future. Let's start by stating, I have too many fake friends. Some too close, and that I've made a big mistake trusting. These are the kinds of people who are taking advantage of me, and manipulating me. Surprisingly, they show up at good times, and then when I have bad moments, they're still there. Didn't make sense right? They are there, no denying that. But they stand there telling you it's your fault, and refuse to get involved what so ever. You push them into it, since you believe they're your friends, but then you notice, they're only taking advantage of you. Call me crazy, but I've been getting these dreams lately. Now I'm far from superstitious, but they've been repetitive. Some I've refused, and will not talk about to anyone. It's happened four or five times. I'm the type of person who has dreams which never make sense, but these ones, super realistic, to the point where when I wake up, I don't know if I'm still dreaming or not. Something certainly is up. These dreams have touched every aspect of my life so far, and sadly, given me negative results in all of them. I'd rather stop talking about this before I get a knock on the door tomorrow and end up in a mental clinic. I think this is all a result of me stressing out and barely getting any sleep lately. I've just honestly had too much to think about. Ramadan isn't that big of an issue with me. I fast regularly, and avoid all negative things during fasting hours. I do all the mandatory things. Won't lie and say I've been going over the top, because still, I'm far from what you call religious and recognize that. My relationship? It's been alright. Settling in, and fighting with all my power to make sure it still going on in an amazing pace, yet that's been quite difficult lately due to the horrendous emptiness in my state of mind which I've been suffering from. Basically, I over think everything, and that causes assumptions, which are correct at times, but wrong at others. Let's keep it at that. None the less, judging on today's conversation rate and topics, it's going pretty well. Here's the major issue. I've decided to put my career on a steady hold next year, I have enough distractions already. No more parties. I'll mix at home for fun, but I don't need the stress of parties pressuring me. I have high hopes, and I'm aiming for top grades, and I know how that much of a challenge it could be. I need to ace my IG's, and end up in a tropical country university. I don't need a scholarship, I just need to be accepted into a top college. I've been analyzing my probability of ending up in a first class college, and let's just say, my mind has been quite disappointing. But I'm the type of person who responds positively when in a negative mentality. I'm starting to doze off now, let's just hope I wake up in a less serious mood. With all due respect, Fiasco out.  

Day 44: Too Short To Put Her Hands Around My Shoulder

Day 44: Too Short To Put Her Hands Around My Shoulder 

"Malaysia, truly Asia."

Another good day, kind of feels like a double kill these days. I mean the thing that could top it off is a good party on Saturday, and meeting my wonderful misses just once or if I'm lucky twice or something. And the conclusion of these wonderful days would be a nice flight and a few weeks off in Malaysia. I'll miss a few people a lot here, but I really need some time off, like remember the week or so I had that whole crazy depression phase, kind of still haunts me, so I could use Malaysia. Like just in general, it's been more than half a year since I traveled. And I've been to Malaysia a lot before, but this time it's different. Like for example, I'll meet up with a couple of friends there, one who's from where I am, and another is a good friend of mine who's in college. Not to mention I've even gotten a few people who have even said they can hook me up with a few parties which should be insane. But that's not really what I'm looking for, all I need is an escape from the world here. In all the times I've been there, I've never been too far out of the metropolis areas, but this time I've made my dad promise to just let me go to one of the islands there, relax by the beach, just block out all the negativity I've faced recently. Like now there's arguably no negativity, other than my parents making me face the usual problems with them being over protective, but I've gotten used to that. I mean that week where no one was there for me, or at least no one who could have effected me was there, I realized, at times, you just need a break. This seems like the perfect opportunity. Just me, my over protective family, and a highly developed country with a mentality that suits mine. I could also use a wardrobe update! But a few months ago, I would've expected myself to be looking differently at this trip. I would've been wanting to party hard, go wild, somehow end up with herpes after not even remembering the night before, but no that's not what I want. I'm at a party almost every week, fuck, I am the party. When I show up, I could be the factor which decides whether this is the shittiest party of the year, or the best, and I can tell you that it's the best (damn that was cocky). But no, nothing wild this vacation. So yeah, I'm in a good mood again. Double kill. None the less, I can't deny the reason for my happiness. It's a girl who was too short to put her hands around my shoulder when we once danced and put her hands around me instead. But she's not just any girl, she's the reason behind my smile at the moment. Let me just say, thank you, and I love you. With all due respect, Fiasco out. 

Day 43: Electronically Entertained

Day 43: Electronically Entertained 

"For ever minute you are sad, you lose a minute of happiness"

Today was quite the day. It started off well, and ended up even better. I haven't worked out today. Fuck it, I don't want to get ripped, I'm perfectly secure with my scrawny, non intimidating, and far from attractive figure. Well to be honest, I just need motivation to keep committed to something. The reason I blog at a decent rate, is because I get around up to 70, and hell, on intense blogs up to 100 views a day. Today was just spectacular. Like based on my current days, today was just perfect. So it started off as a simple hang out, with a few guys who I had met at those summer lessons I previously talked about. I didn't have high expectations, but to my surprise, it turned out to be one of the most legit hangouts ever. It was just nice, like I don't know hangout wise. Like they're not the usual crowd I hangout with. I mean it's just a change from the usual. The usual, people around me smoking hookah, insulting each other girlfriends, mothers, family, and the usual immature extremely lame phrases. Today, all these guys, had such positive a positive vibe. There was the immaturity and the curse words flying through the air, but not in the usual style or manner, it was just I don't know, cursing with a positive vibe. I just  need friends like these in my life, and I have arguably one friend who has that vibe, no one else I can honestly think of. It was just nice, and something that had just put me in a perfect mood. I'm glad I have met people like those. Add on to that my girlfriend talking to me in the first time for quite while with all the crazy stuff going on, and that just sums up my day. That's not enough for you? Alright then, add on to that, the usual Skype conversations, but with fun topics with all of my close friends who have finally been able to cheer me up. I don't know, I think this is the turning point where shit finally starts going my way. I mean, let's just analyze this based on the aspects of my life. Friends wise, I found a clique which is far from my usual, but also much more positive than the usual. Career wise, it's the usual, no turning point there. Education wise is also the usual. Family wise, nothing really, travelling soon so I guess that's a positive, after the few rough past week or so, I could really use a few weeks away from this place. I also need lots of brightly colored skinny pants, and lots of plain t's and cardigans. Could use some new shoes too (no homo). Relationship wise, being straight forward and hoping I won't get bashed at for this, it wasn't great due to the lack of conversation, but today just brought things back to the amazing old days, so very major turning point there. I mean everything in my life is not going negatively, and some even going positively. So in conclusion, today has been good day. Hell, lot's of people on friendzone got accepted, which put me in an even better mood. I hope this continues, and I hope we all have a great day. And congratulations to my very dear friend Azza on getting accepted into the school she anted to go to. With the utmost respect and appreciation, to all my wonderful readers, my wonderful friends, and last but certainly not least, my wonderful misses, Fiasco Out! 

Day 42: April Days Turned Into Mays

Day 42: April Days Turned Into Mays  

"Just a little too young for this love"

Missed a day. I kind of have been doing this workout routine and I was planning to blog after it, but I kind of was exhausted and fell asleep after it. So sorry about that. Not in the best of mood, far from a good mood. Might as well blow away some steam on this blog. You only feel low, after being high. Let me put it this way, I was having a really high point, now, it's really low. There's not much to my life. This is clearly isn't about my career, that's going pretty well. I'm just trapped in the boundaries of my own mind. It's like I wake up, and this is all I'm thinking about, I listen to a song when I'm in a good mood and struck gold with a nice mix or remix, and then there's a lyric that reminds me of this whole situation, and it instantly makes me rant. I try laying down and getting some sleep and it just haunts me. I hide it under joking around with my friends about it, when deep down inside, this is devouring what faith I have left. It's my fault for breaking my own rules. I live by a set of rules, which I believe are meant to be broken, but its days, more like weeks, where I've regret breaking one of my rules. Don't make anything your main source of happiness, so when it's not there, you turn into this over emotional blogging faggot. I feel pathetic about myself. My thoughts don't make it any better. It's like at one point I'm perfectly fine, and my mind is thinking optimistically, then at other points, confusion. Not going to say its doubt, or regret. I don't regret it at all, or doubt it a bit. I know in order to feel high, I have to feel low. Then my mind throws in all these bi polar thoughts: "But why have I been low for such a long time? When's the high going to kick in? Stop giving so much effort, if its mutual, then it'll come back. Look how long you've been waiting, this is how its always going to be. You're an over attached faggot. Holy fuck, I'm your brain so that makes me over attached since I'm you. Maybe the high was over before it begun. I need a shot now, lot's of shots. Shit, I don't drink. But I sure as hell want to if it makes you forget." Sorry if that was confusing, but that's seriously my whole day on repeat. It also kills me to see how every one else has it perfectly, and then I'm not even a drop of that. Fuck this, I seriously need lots of shots at the moment. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.

Day 41: Metallica Tapes

Day 41: Metallica Tapes

"Little whispers around your head, worry about yourself instead"

Depressed? Why have so many people put that label on me? I get I am, and for what to people are acceptable reasons but to me a bit pathetic. I don't like that label to be honest. I'm just simply having a down fall in this roller coaster of life. We all have it. Mine for this pathetic reason, other's for bigger issues which are more life impacting. Could be my fault for making this reason a big part of my life. Any who. not here to rant about that. Just saying, not really depressed, I'll patch myself up, always seem to be able to do that. This is post number 41. Most people who have been reading since Day 1, or the very beginning, probably have grown to know me, to the point where some people even judge me based on this. Can't blame them, I've given them a lot of reason to. You can judge me all you want, I'm not a guy who cares about criticism, reputation, or whatever most my friends and people my age worry about. The judgement I got the most was cocky person who's too "westernized". By westernized, I mean they believe I do not recognize that I'm from a country where my actions, mentality, beliefs, choices, and decisions are not accepted. Everyone wants to be accepted, and to most people other than my friends, I'm not. But here's the twist, I'm not like everyone, not saying I'm special, but, I've had a rough childhood and wasn't accepted in elementary school, and pushed around through most of middle school. If you were bullied as a kid, and a loner until the last two years of your high school life, you've pretty much braced yourself for the social nonacceptance of your junior and senior year. So for all these people not accepting me, and expecting me to change to acquire their acceptance, two words for you bitches, fuck you. I've had a period where I'd gotten quite a number of hate messages, but then its stopped recently. Why? Because you bitches can't shake me. I barely give a fuck about anyone's opinion, and I'm not like those other people claiming they don't. I've dealt with people's shit all my life, then had my social life blow up with a crazy career that I love. You can't shake me, and if you want to try, be my guest. I've been pushed around, so you're words don't hurt me, and I've been alone for a couple of years with no one I could even call a friend, so even if my friends turn out to be fake (Highly doubt that, with the likes of Lil Man, that's almost impossible), I've been alone before, and how do I respond? I get better grades which is even more satisfying than having most these fake friends around, I still have a decent career, and I don't need any of your company, I can cope perfectly fine with video games, a mixer, and endless humorous pictures on Facebook. That ladies and gentleman, has helped me reach a conclusion, I can't label myself as depressed, just stressed out of mind. Glad to see I could make myself feel better. With all due respect, Fiasco out. 

Day 40: Who Set the Alarm?

Day 40: Who Set the Alarm? 

"Time solves all"

Finally starting to be a bit more convincing. I would like to state that I'm not depressed as many people have assumed due to my past post. Well I am, but that's nothing hours of musical therapy and distraction methods can't patch up. Any who, I have something I want to talk about (for once). I will rant, but it's nothing I can say works me up, but it does bother to a massive extent. That ladies and gentleman, is interference. I certainly had my share today. Can't give out a lot of details, but I'll give enough for you to be able to relate, and maybe even vaguely picture my situation. So we all have best friends, close friends, or whatever you want to call them. Sometimes, you trust these people to an extent in which they know the smallest details of your life. I have a number, maybe 2 or 3 who qualify for the title of knowing everything about me. One of these specific people lives a very reckless and wild lifestyle. It's one that's great and led to a pretty decent friendship for a year. Ultimately, it led to what we call a brotherhood. So when seeing me in the position I was recently, and the constant stress levels I suffer from, he decided to take matters "into his own hand". I noticed something a bit out of line, and after out putting some pressure on him, well little at all, he spilled the beans. He told me what he did, claiming he was trying to help and put me out of what he called misery. Well, not misery precisely, but a few small words that mean that. It's an inside joke about his vocabulary. (Haha, you're supposed to laugh now). So any who, he was trying to help, cause that's what friends do, help each other. But you know, this was just something which didn't call for interfering and something I'd wanted my own self to handle, even though I probably couldn't. So I might not approve of it, something I wish that person didn't interfere in. Might not have liked it, and wish it didn't happen. But that also made me realize something. Nowadays, its rare to find friends like him. I mean he took his own time, interfered in something which completely didn't effect him nor did he have anything to do with, and well I don't know what the results are yet, whether his actions cause things to spiral up, or turn for the better, he is a true friend. He cares about me. I mean no other friend would take the risk of potentially digging my grave for me deeper than it already is, in an attempt of pulling me out of it. It's like there's a bullet in me, and if he can pull it out, I'm relieved of the pain. He either pulls it out, or waits for the paramedics which take forever to show up. Pulling it out can either destroy me, or relieve me. And what he did, he pulled it out. Why? Cause fuck it, let's be reckless, and hope for the best right? That's honestly the kind of friend I need. The thing is, I was pissed when I found out, out of my mind. I knew he had no clue what he was doing, poor interpretation, and no sense of direction. But I felt he took the risk picturing he was in my shoes. Fuck it, I can't explain, hope you got me. So now I'm stressed out of my mind over what his decisions could result in, but I'm happy, cause even though this arguably the worst way how, I felt I truly had a friend present today. Kind of mixed emotions, let's just pray for the best. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 39: Solar Midnight

Day 39: Solar Midnight

"Throw away the darkness, I wanna see you shining"

Apologies again. It's become a bit ironic how I always start off apologizing about how I haven't updated in quite a while. I have a justification though this time. It's just that I've been attempting to bottle up a lot of emotions. Emotions which if I type out directly now, will get me in quite a lot of trouble. Let's just say things haven't been great, well far from great. Pressure has been piling up on me from all directions. Confusion about so many things. I don't even know what I should make my priorities, what cards I should use, what faces I should show. The only reason people read this is cause apparently people's pain and struggles is entertaining. I mean I have about 5 or so friends who all blog, none who share anywhere as much as I do. Ironically, only 2 which is less than half (do your math), still blog at a decent or daily rate. Why has quite a large proportion quit? Well it's ironically because they don't share enough. I mean when you blog about your personal life, it's either your a celebrity with a massive number of readers you feel somewhat obliged to update about whatever you're famous for, or your like me. Me? I live a stressful life, I mean don't we all? Our problems somewhat differ from person to person. Don't criticize me too much for what I say next. But the problem's of a homeless person trying to earn money who isn't in a life or death situation, could potentially be the same level of stress as that of one of the world's millionaire's. Ladies and gentleman, I don't intend to say that there at the same level of importance, but depending on the perspective, they could be at the same level of pain towards that person. But that really depends on the person too, and that, is where I have major issues. I don't stress about everything, but when I do stress about something, it's disastrous. One of the reasons I have this blog is to deal with that issue. It's been extremely effective. But at some times, and this is certainly one of them, it's pointless. The topic I'm stressing about is controversial at what the reasons are, whether I should accept it, whether I should pretend it's not bothering me while it's killing me and all I think about, whether the arguments presented are logical, and they are without a doubt, but to what extent? I mean I go and talk to my two or three very close friends who know everything about me, and each one gives me a different interpretation from the others including myself. It's killing me, to the point where I've let my imagination distract me. Where I've let overdosed myself in music, fuck, it's to the point where I've been looking forward to things like studying hoping they suck me out of this emotional roller coaster. Believe me, nothing works. I don't even think this is that big of an issue, and it shouldn't be, but then when I realize that, it makes me feel more pathetic and helpless than I already am. So what does all this make me realize? I'm a cocky yet an emotionally unstable, person who cares too much, worries about the little things cause there's probably no big things, who's got to set his priorities straight. Most importantly, with all these mixed emotions, and instability in my life, I am a person who could stop giving a fuck faster than you blink. But then again, what happens when you want to care? When this is probably the only priority you feel you can't set straight, yet you love it, even though it's killing you. I mean I'm not a dude who's not used to these situations, I'm 15, have a career, and so far have been balancing almost perfectly with my education. I work my way around everything, but this, I guess patience, endurance, and distraction will be my only way out. I hate it when that's my only option. "Throw away the darkness, I wanna see you shining." My mind has thrown itself in its own hole, someone throw me a fucking rope and hope I'm not to gassed out to pull my pathetic over thinking self out. Well at least this blog isn't pointless. Got a lot of my chest today. Somewhat indirectly except to a few people. At least I hope so, I honestly don't need any more controversial problems in my life.  With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 38: Animal Pharm

Day 38: Animal Pharm 

"A DJ is an artist and the dancefloor is his canvas"

So by now we all noticed how horrible I am in keeping you all up to date. Sincerest apologies. I've had pretty rough, and no one there for me really. Well there are people there for me, but I want a specific someone to be there for me, and let's just say, I can't reach out to them at the moment. It's not really a matter of me facing any sort of issues, but they were a source of happiness which I temporarily don't have. As for my DJ career, it's alright I guess. As for my lifestyle, especially my lifestyle, I've put aside going out with three figured amount of money in my pocket, and decided that financially, I should direct it to things of more value. So as soon as I get the chance, I'm jumping on a new laptop for DJ'ing and personal use, new equipment such as a stand for my mixer, and laptop, which in general would make me look much more professional when I perform. Any who, I had a party on Tuesday. Let me just say the countless hours of practice finally paid off. A packed and full dancefloor for the whole party, people going insane, so full you can't even leave the place! I even had people clap for me at the end  I'm really proud of that, and I'm looking to establish my name as one of the top in what I do in this country, and hell, why not the world at some point? It'd be nice for my hobby to develop into something massive. That of course, won't effect my persuasion of university, and a proper education, and a more common, and mature occupation. I seem to have my whole life planned out, but something I and I'm sure most of you have learned, is that life can spiral downwards or upwards at any given moment. I shall, hopefully, leave this country soon. But before I do, I just want one proper party, with lasers piercing the smoke filled air, a crowd just enjoying there time. So today I know I've mostly focused my words on my career, but that's because I don't really have much to talk about anymore. I mean I have my friends who certainly have been rocking it out, cruises, hangouts, you name it. The little that remain though. Nothing else at the moment I can say that stands out. I'll try keeping things up to date. With all due respect, Fiasco out. 

Day 37: Hexes

Day 37: Hexes

"The greatest mental freedoms is truly not caring what anyone else thinks of you."

I missed another day. Apologies. I'm enrolled in 3 different summer courses, so its hard for me to keep up with all the homework. Not to mention, in all 3, I have a test new week. Gotta love summer. I've been in a good mood recently though. Mostly cause of a person who inflicted and enforced her positive vibe on me. So, thank you for that, even though you'll probably read this without noticing. Let me guess, you're expecting a rant. Not today though! I actually typed up a whole rant, but decided to delete it. I know I wasted time, but being honest, I have nothing better to do. Which ultimately means, I have nothing to talk about. So I guess, my fingers are going to type, and whatever comes out, comes out. So here's something ironic about me. So I talk a lot about my relationship, which unfortunately, is a plural on this blog. Makes me seem like an asshole. Let's just say I've accepted the past, and from now decided to leave it there. So don't expect me, talking about too many past experiences. But here's the thing, I talk a lot about them, and my personal life to be honest. I don't have that much personal information though, I tend to avoid drama, and I don't keep much secrets, nor do I have many. I mean I have a somewhat successful blog based on my life, you don't keep that much secrets when you blog. I don't really know how to say this. I mean I wouldn't mind sitting down with someone I barely know and talk about my relationship for example, but then when I get asked to say her name for example, which happens a lot on public sites such as that ask one, I tend to avoid saying it. Don't rush to conclusions, its not that I'm ashamed of her anything, I'd yell her name out to the world if I could. But that's my point, the world I'm in, at least this society, I can't feel comfortable saying it. Its sort of a paranoia. Why? There's many people that would be ready to put me, to put us through hell for just being together. I'm not referring to family members or people not accepting of the whole situation. I mean other people, like our age, who don't know about it. There's so much envy, so much hate pointed in no direction these days. People who just envy you for being happy. I can't lie and say "they can't effect us". These people would get out of there way, just to try and knock couples, singles, people in general off course. I mean personally, I don't care about much, except one person for example. So they come, bring up every sin that person has ever done, and claim they're friends. I'm not making much sense here, but you get my point. I can't explain any situation clearly. My point is, be careful about how public your life is, especially things you care about. I'm one of the very few people who barely care about anything, and don't care about judgement and criticism. But sometimes, people try using those very few things you care about against you. Sadly, most of them pretend they're your friends. Don't give them much to talk about! I'm keeping it short today, since I've been in a good mood. Take care everyone! Sorry for not making much sense, but I'm sure you all comprehended the basic message I'm trying to show. With all due respect, Fiasco Out!  

Day 36: The Wolfpack

Day 36: The Wolfpack 

"Banish the fear of death from a man's heart and they would not live a day"

Haven't really blogged in the last two. That's cause there's nothing to talk about. Nothing at all has happened in the past two days. So this means, I'll have to kill you with more of my conspiracies, theories, or whatever you want to call them. I'll just randomly keep going and whatever is said is said. Let me first start off with a very controversial topic. Yes, I'm going to rant, so brace yourselves. Before I start off, let me make this very clear, this isn't about anyone, so please, don't assume I'm writing this about someone. There's a lot of people who do this,so you can just laugh at how on point I am about this. Two days ago, I said there are guys who ditch there homies for chicks. Now I don't mean a girlfriend in this situation, just for the presence of females. I'd understand if we were in a club in Ibiza, but in school, or in a public place in this country, are you trying to get laid for example? That will happen when pigs fly out of my ass. Let me not get off point though. Here's what really gets me though. Those guys, who like literally would suck the dick of one specific girl if she had one. Those guys who aren't friendzoned, or like who aren't genuinely nice guys. Like you know, most of them are like me, not the friendzone type, and have a reputation of being a flirt, or like just an asshole for example. Not that I'm asshole (I hope), but I'm just trying to prove a point. And what I've noticed has become a trend, is that they suck the dick of elite girls. Like you know they're all over those girls. Like you always see them interfering in all of the girls problems, always following them around like they're a bitch (female dog in this situation). Not like I would really care, its just so fucking annoying being exposed and in the presence of dudes who are girls bitches. Here's the hilarious part, let's say they liked her, and that's the reason they're stooping so low, in probably all the cases, they probably couldn't even get close to anything emotional with that chick. And if all the heavenly powers came together, and made that happened, they'd still get there ass dumped in like a week tops! It's annoying, but I guess its funny too. I won't lie, I was once like that. I used to suck up to some chick I liked in middle school (I was 12 or 11 when this happened though, I have a justification). Unlike most these bitches, I had gotten somewhere, I asked her to slow dance, it went really well, and just when I was about to go in for my lethal 12 year old kill, my "best friend" had told me she didn't like me. Surprise surprise, two weeks later he's dating her. They break up on like the last day of school. I confess everything, and she tells me she liked me and would've said yes at that time if I had asked her out. So at least I was successful at being a bitch, unlike most of these dudes now, when I was 12, so suck it bitches. But I would never stoop low like these dudes here do now. So anyways, I'd like to keep it short today, and for the sake of God, please, don't think I'm narrowing this down to one, two, or even a billion dudes. It's just this trend that's been showing up a lot recently and I just wanted to point out that its annoying and pathetic. I've actually been in quite a good mood recently. I've caught up with one of my great friends and she's had this positive vibe that she inflicts on me, so I'm all good, not that you'd care though (Just kidding, you know I love you). With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 35: Suga Suga

Day 35: Suga Suga

"Sugar, how you get so fly?"

The amount of assumptions I got yesterday, unimaginable. You mean so and so about this. Firstly, I never directly pick on someone through this blog, nor would I ever talk about someone directly on this blog. Sometimes I'm pissed and could rant about someone, and make it pretty obvious, but there wasn't a specific person on my mind when I was describing the hypocrites of this country. So please, save yourself and your brain the work of thinking if I meant someone by something I said, but I'm sure you could think of a lot of people when I described the features of our local hypocrites. Not to mention, if you thought I meant someone by one of my statements, then you probably think they're a hypocrite. Speaking about yesterday's post, its hilarious how something similar went down today. No need to go into any details though. So basically, you know those childhood songs, you listened to when you were like 10 and you've just heard it and its even 5 years old or something? You did the usual thing and killed the song by constantly playing it for a week or two and completely forgot about it. So yeah, its forgot, and lost in your old Ipod which is dusted up and stopped working a few years ago, not to mention its screen is cracked and you've probably destroyed it. Okay enough details, let's get to the point. Years later, you've met someone. Who's somehow affected you to the point, where your mind (or heart, don't want to seem too cheesy) goes back years back, and suddenly the beat, the lyrics, the melody, the vocals, everything about it, seems to be perfect. That ladies and gentleman, is the effect of suddenly, and quickly falling for someone. Unlike every girl I've ever been with or had feelings for, this isn't a one night stand attempt gone wrong. From the very beginning, you knew it was real, that this is something you want to last. I'm very big on music, its almost a lifestyle for me, one that sculpted me and made me who I am at the moment. I mean even emotional things for me need music. Can you slow dance without music? Have you ever felt the difference when you've kissed someone with nothing playing, and when there's just a simple and calm piano or violin playing the background? I mean there's a million things I can state, these are just a couple. So basically, I've been constantly raping the replay button for one specific song. The reason is, I jokingly told a very special someone that this specific song reminded me of her, and when that happened, there was no us. It was just me and her, so we really weren't an item, yet, and nor did I think we were going to be at that point to be honest. And for some reason, I was the DJ at a party she was at, and I decided to slow things down, and picked that song out. I asked her to dance, held her in my arms, and we moved slowly to the song, I even remember how she couldn't have her hands on my shoulder cause I was too tall. She wrapped them around me, I had mine around hers, and the chemistry was just unbelievable. There's so much more situation me and her had, wait let me correct the me and her, "we", "us". That felt really good to say. So my point is, music and emotions, precisely the non hormonal teenage kind of love that I'm in at the moment, the real kind, can pretty much cause a feeling and sensation so strong you feel like you've been in heaven when both combine. I've had songs with a lot people, some who were at times more than friends, but non the I can say I listen to on a daily basis like I do with this song. None that I can write a full blog on for sure! Any who, I don't want to keep going about it forever, oh, and for me, the specific song I'm talking about at the moment is: "Baby Bash ft. Frankie J - Suga Suga." This is probably one of the first posts I've written while smiling the whole time! "Got me lifted, shifted higher than the ceilin', and oohwee it's the ultimate feelin', you got me lifted, feeling so gifted, Sugar, how you get so fly?: With all due respect, Fiasco Out.

Day 34: 21 & Over

Day 34: 21 & Over

A hypocrite is a person who- but isn't?

Today wasn't the best of days. So basically, let's just say its been sort of a let down. It's a bit annoying when someone is only concerned about himself, and its not like I'd usually give a fuck, but I will when there selfishness leads to me losing something that could potentially matter to me, for example, a party. Let's just say its a bit annoying. Okay, let's just keep it that, I'm a bad person to constantly fuck over. I know this is kind of direct, but fuck it, let's just say I'm pissed as fuck at the moment, and I have a reason to, at least I think so. Any who, I've got another topic to rant about, which I was planning to rant about since last night. The hypocrites of this amazing nation. Okay, so basically, since I know a lot of people from outside the country read this. I live in an Islamic nation. No parties after 11, you can't go out dressed to badly (for girls I mean), no clubs, alcohol, you name it. That's government wise. Family wise, most people my age can't chill with girls openly and even if they can, it has massive limits, dating is a massive sin to most families and they'll shoot your ass if they find you with there daughter, let's see, you can't dress to badly, no cursing openly, I don't know, not much I can think about, those are what stand out. Before I start bashing at a majority of the people, this isn't direct to anyone, but if the shoe fits, lace that bitch up! So let me start with the guys. They're out fucking girls every night (maybe not really, but you get my point). But if someone says hi to there sister, they'll fucking hunt you down and attempt killing you. I don't have a sister, so I might not know what it feels like, but hey, I don't, so I can't fit in this category! (Massive bad guy laugh). If you've just been with a chick, and hunted a guy down for doing to the same to whoever matters you, you my friend, are a fucking hypocrite! Let's see, I've also dealt with lots of guys who'll ditch his crew for just being in the presence of females, and to guys like that, you might not be a hypocrite, but you're umm, what's the right word....got it! A bitch, just like the bitches you're with! Let's start pointing out the amazing hypocrite actions of some girls in this country. Oh God, this actually the group the makes me laugh the most, and there's a lot of chicks who fit in this category. So basically, you're religious cause you wear hijab and cover your hair up. Respect to all the ladies that do that. But I don't think there's a point when that's your hair is the only thing guys isn't seeing, am I right? Let's just dumb it down a bit, know this is delicate topic, but the girls who cover up there hair but there ass is all over the place. I mean excuse miss, the whole place is checking out your ass in those tight ass neon yellow or bright red pants your wearing. Just saying yo. I mean I just wanted to focus on those who are religiously and morally hypocritical. There's so much more categories, but are all over the world, the bitches, fake friends, you name it. But these are kind of a bit more local, in my country, and countries similar to mine. I know a few of you laced that shoe up and found yourself somewhere there, and you're making excuses and trying to justify yourself mentally and hate me now cause you think this is about you. Bashing was just an expression, this is more of me trying to shoot a point across. You're not hated for being that, sometimes, wrongfully respected for it. But please acknowledge you're a hypocrite, and anyone with a mentality like mine, has no respect for you at all! Any who, about the title, its a fucking crazy movie, I'd suggest checking it out if your into shit like The Hangover and Project X. Not much to talk about! With all due respect, Fiasco out.

Day 33: Take Care of the Paperwork

Day 33: Take Care of the Paperwork

"A nation and its people, third world, and based on hypocrisy"

Told you I was back. Like for real this time. To be honest, apart from a few motivations, I have to admit the fact that I have nothing better do also had a major role to play. Which is also bad news, because if I have nothing to do, that means nothing is happening in my life, which in conclusion means I barely have anything to talk about. I've gotten sick of telling stories from my very "bright: past. I've kind of accepted it, and decided to just leave it there. So that leads to probably to a few topics I can talk about: my DJ career, how amazing my misses is, or my amazing plans for future which I doubt can true. I know anyone barely comments, but it would help a lot if you could tell me which one from this topics which I know you don't care about, is most appealing to you. It's worth a try asking, since I asked for prayers to get a number last time, and I got that. It's a joke by the way, since I know many third world faggots probably took that wrong when reading. Any who, upcoming plans, I have a party on Thursday. The crowd seems to a bit older than I am, and I don't like that, since I really can't interact much with them, and most of the time, people think they're too cool and no one dances and just chill, which leads to boredom since at that point I'm nothing more than a jukebox. Change of subjects, I have something quite the number of people can relate to. You know when you really miss someone, like its someone who you're like addicted to, whether its your current soul mate, family member, or even a close friend. Well there's probably two people who stand out for me at the moment. I don't want to go into details, since I don't like appearing as someone who is too emotional (Cause I'm not, at least that's what I tell myself). Well let's just one, really matters to me, more than the others. I'm not a person who likes distance. It kills me. Especially in situations like this, cause you tell the person you miss them, and would kill to be with them, and you're thinking about them every second, and hell, its to the point where every night you're laying down wondering what they're up to, just laying there, and thinking about one person for hours, sleepless until the sun is rising and your body fails and goes into hibernation mode by itself. You tell them that after not talking to them for what seems like forever to you, but then its also unbelievable, cause its rare that someone cares about someone this much. So you believe that they think they're just words, but that's really what they're going to. Any who, to anyone who can relate, you know its quite, you know, can't really find the word to describe that feeling. Cause at the time, its somewhat a mixed emotion of joy and sorrow since your words seem unbelievable. Okay, becoming a bit too emotional and I'm starting to appear like I'm a fag. On the other hand, I just really miss a good friend of mine, hell, probably my closest friend, who you know by Lil Man. We used to chill every day before he left, and my life has become really plain since he left, so knock yourself out while I remain in this hell hole for the next month. Oh, and I've also been referred to as a "local" blogger. Just wanted to say, I hate the local word, cause that shows while we're from the same place, how we're separated from the rest of the world. So fuck you to this country I'm from. I love you, but fuck your way of thinking, based on a Western style of living with a hypocritical belief in religion. Bringing religion, mixing it with tradition, and creating your own belief and claiming you're being religious. At least I know who to pick on my next post. With all due respect, Fiasco out. 

 

Day 32: Champagne is Overrated

Day 32: Champagne is Overrated 

"I want you to be happy, even if I'm not"

This is the part of Summer where everything goes downhill, perfect ey? Friends traveled, parents constantly bitching, summer courses, kind of shitty. Any who, so basically, let's just say, my infamous blog is back. Bad news for my fake friends, my social life, and most importantly, could be for my relationship. Reason is, I figured people actually read this shit, and criticize me too based on it (I really don't mind though, its nothing compared to what I get in real life). So basically, I got twitted by someone else who blogs. A female from my uneducated country that can actually write, and blog. Kind of like my dream chick right after a DJ chick. I'll work on getting her number though (Putting aside the fact that stating that has just ruined my chances). Alright, so basically, here's the deal. I've been criticized by my dream girl right here. So basically I've been nagging about how when I was dating my ex we wouldn't get physical and all that. Won't deny it, I'm quite a pussy when it comes to that. But I can provide an explanation to somewhat cover for the asshole guy that wants to take advantage of girls picture that was painted for me. So basically, I'd have to go back in time (I hate doing that, and this is going to cause quite the controversy). So basically, if you weren't around me at that time, and unaware of the details of the whole situation. I was with a girl, who I had no way to contact at all outside of school and didn't go out at all, and that included school vacations which meant weeks and sometimes months without talking. I'm in a school where I couldn't talk with that person at all, other than sit together in classes, where we could barely talk. I was never a guy who saw anything passed a hug a necessity in most relationships, and I still think that. Let's just say all the couples (except very few) in my grade, and even younger grades, were you know, getting busy. And the occasional few friends with benefits which made it worse. I'm not a very religious person, nor do I care about this country morale's, and what people think is wrong, or right.  I wasn't in a great position, and I needed a few pushes, and with everything else missing in the certain relationship, that was the only thing I found. Even with the nagging, I'd still had barely gotten anywhere, but that "barely" had me motivated to push that commitment to half a year, which is an unbelievable accomplishment since most couples in my school barely get past a month. So notice how I had put up with a lot of things, I doubt most guys would've put up with, and, as usual, I still had gotten dumped (Got used to it). Which is a whole other essay I won't talk about unless obliged. There's still a lot I want to say about this whole thing, and instead of just ending it, I'll keep going (Bare with me). Some people could say, you do all these things which you think are going to make it work, but in the end it doesn't, and I'd make the girl feel like she's been used and all. Well let's just say, I'm a blogger, a poet (surprise!), and an occasional novel reader. It doesn't get more homo than that. When I get with a girl, I show her that I'm dedicated, and something I've even said to a girl before who knew she was the reason I wasn't happy: "Ive committed myself to you, even if it costs my own happiness, I want you to be happy, just being with me." That's what I do in every relationship, and I still get dumped. Oh, and I don't do break ups, I'd go an empty tank if that's what it takes, but most people don't, and emotions are usually just a game to them, so yeah, Fiasco flies solo. But thank God, things have changed, for the very better. Damn, I've gone on forever, any who, check out the blog I'm taking about: http://justazza.blogspot.com/ And last favor, pray that I get that number! With all due respect, and the highest of respect if you prayed that I've gotten the number, and with utmost respect to the blogger who's kicked started this infamous blog, Fiasco Out.