Day 68: Telemiscommunications
Wow hasn't it been a while? Don't I disappear every year around this time? I won't say I'm back and all that, cause I'm sort of a bit disappointed that every time I blog, including today, I seem like an over dramatic 16 year old girl. But what's interesting about this blog, is I just scroll down and I relive the days starting from Year 10 up until the days of when I finished high school. Wow. This blog, has literally been through like 3 different relationships, over the past two years. Even looking forward to take in with me to university, making a part of two different educational systems. What a journey it has been. Okay let's skip me awing at all the "amazing" things about this blog and jump straight into the topic. So I have passed my IGCSE exams and thank God with results that made me, and my family proud. I have yet to get accepted into any university. So here's the catch about that. I want to join University of Khartoum, the most respected and prestigious university in Sudan without a doubt. Faculty of Medicine. Half the population wants to join as well and IGCSE students already have a tough enough time getting in. I won't get into the complicated application procedures which have been hassling for the past month, but just pray that I get in. So here's something I want to talk about relating to this. A lot of my friends are a year younger, and all of them complain about how it's mentally cracking them and all that. I was in the same position last year, and I get exactly the pressure each and every one of them is going through. I thought that it was the worst feeling in the world, going through the last year and the stress and exams and all that. But ever since my results, I've discovered a worst feeling, and sadly, it's one that has me going insane nearly every day. I wish I had to wake up at 7 AM everyday and get dressed, go to school half asleep, see my friends, and even the people I hate. I wish I sat in English class which lasted forever, and chemistry class which I fell asleep in. Went home and crashed from exhaustion, woke up and had to jump straight into piles of homework and study my ass off before I had to go to a night class. Text my friend about how I hate school and want the year to be over with. Cause you know what's the worst feeling? The fact that I wake up every afternoon, and have NOTHING to do other than occasionally hitting the gym and going out with my friends. There's no sense of purpose, no sense of direction. Everyday just feels pointless. I don't even know where I'm going to be in a couple of months. That ladies and gentleman, is the worst feeling ever. I can't wait to be complaining a month or two from now about how much I hate school or university or college or where ever I end up. Because many people do not understand how much of a blessing that is. Other than that it's still the usual, I am emotionally drowning, nothing worse than having butterflies in your stomach all day and being trapped within your own mind. DJ wise though, I have had gigs and still got a few more upcoming, so at least that's going well. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.
Day 67: Nineteen Eighty-Four
Three more days and I'm gone. Not feeling great, A sore throat has decided to strike me on a horrible timing, and this might be the beginning of something worse (pray that it's not). I do not know what to expect from my little vacation. I also don't know how it's going to be. Add to the mix that I've gone a lot in the past years, I mean for the past three summers, it has been the same destination. I usually don't leave the capital, but this year it seems like that's going to change. Add to the mix I know a few people there so that might mean some more fun. However I'm also fasting and out and walking for the entire so that entirely kills me every day until it's time to break the fast. It also means that I cannot have a day which compares which may look of a scene of The Hangover movies (particularly the one where they go to Thailand). I understand that my blog has influence quite a number of people, as of lately a few people have actually told me that they want to change because they fall into what I describe as negatives on this blog. That somewhat puts a burden on my shoulders to be very careful about what I say. If I want to influence people, it is to make people better as individuals. I am far from perfect as an individual, I am not better than anyone. I have positives and negatives just like everyone does. None the less, I will still stand by previous and future statements, even though I understand they may contradict with what I believe are somewhat unfair social beliefs of this country. So in short, to those of you who strictly obey the rules forced upon us by this cruel society, which has a vague application of religion to culture, people like me will be the cancer of this society. No, I am not saying I will contradict my religion. Never. I am sinner, similar to all of you. However, I will contradict those who believe they have successfully mix religion and culture. I mean look at our country, arguably one of the poorest in the world. Why? Due to this vague understanding and attempt of an implication of religion. Should a proper Islamic community be established, then the community and nation will be one of the most successful in the world. That is my belief. Okay, let me not zone out into something above most of our understanding, including my own. I have seen people somewhat receive some stick for reasons possibly relating to a few of my posts. I mean I understand some people assume some things I write may be indirect attacks at people, and although they are not, that's something they can't understand. However, I don't think we are ever in a position to directly attack people through social networks, and it sort of bothered me seeing someone people for some reason have related my posts to being called names. Should my blog have had anything to do with it, and someone thinks that simply due to an assumption they have the right to judge someone, then I feel like I have indirectly influenced actions which I would never approve off. If there's anything I wanted to do, is to attack judgment on people, not influence it. We are all in no position to judge anyone, for we don't know there story, nor their intentions. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.
Day 66: Missing A Six
Inconsistency should be my middle name. Apparently I have a few friends who get very agitated when I go a few days without blogging so sincerest apologies. It's just that to be honest, there is a lack of content, and also a lack of time management. Plus, I won't just blog anything, because I always strive to make my blogs top notch, different, and interesting. I don't copy anyone, and like to have my own style and way of doing things. So past three days, I've been attempting to build up an appetite but miserably been failing, my diet plan has spiraled because I can't find a balance to measure my weight and accordingly start my plan. I've also been accused of sub blogging (if such a thing exists). You see people really need to understand that I do not focus my blog on specific people, and they're generalized, however, I will admit that the actions of many of the people I know do influence the topics, but I don't just sit there and go like oh I don't like so and so, let me sit here and subliminally insult there ass. Nope, not how things happen. I'm not going to focus on that because I've explained that a million times, and this just made it a million and one. So, good news for me, I should be, hopefully, leaving this country within a week. Where am I going? The amazing concrete jungle, Kuala Lumpur. Just like last summer, it means I won't be blogging for nearly a month, but also similarly it means this is around the same topic. You see, for the past two years, every time I went, I was in a relationship. A few days into Malaysia, and they'd magically have a downfall and that would really kill the vacation, not when I'm out, but when you wake up and you start over thinking. Now, no straight up commitments. I'm sixteen, curios, and this seems perfectly set up to be a wild vacation. Hopefully, and please do pray that this vacation goes smoothly (not that the past ones haven't been smooth, but just smoother). Add to the mix that whenever I come back from vacations, I feel like a different person, like I feel more mature and changed (for the better). I keep in touch with everyone when I'm gone, but to be honest, I just feel like not even getting internet when I'm there, and just forgetting the world and enjoying myself. But, we all know that won't happen. So with all due respect, Fiasco Out.
Day 65: Daydream
A perfect morning. Woke up after over sleeping which resulted in me getting all the rest I needed. Listening to some Lupe, and honestly this the perfect song to put me in a state of mind which I need, the lyrics are ironic to some extent, and the beat is sampled from a jazz song. Perfect. As for yesterday in what was a do or die situation, I am glad to inform you that I did. Regardless of what people thought about the party itself, the decision was unanimous that killed it. I feel like I've proved my point. I'm satisfied, so regardless of after today whether the gigs keep rolling in, or I'm staying home in my bed room, eyes closed, imagining a crowd of a 100,000 in front of me. As of yesterday, I have resorted out my priorities. With education on a pause at the moment considering its summer, I can focus on music and my friends. I won't lie, I can't hit it off with a girl to save my life, I mean I can try, but I would get rejected quicker than you can blink your eye, so fuck that shit, plus to be honest, I have sort of a commitment in my life at the moment (teaser because I'll never talk about that). But as of resorting out my priorities, I have a sense of stability in my life, something which I lacked for the previous years in my life. My priorities were completely wrong. I mean here's how it is: family, education (which now is vague up until university), friends, music, and then material things (which include guilty pleasures such as girls). Material things shouldn't even be there, but whatever, we all like material things, so I will not deny it. What I don't have time for is those high school 30 minute relationships with girls who are drama hungry, especially now and specifically for the past year where I have discovered what I want, and ironically it was standing right in front of me. It's quite ironic, I mean everything I hate she's not, but everything I like, she's not either, and even though that may seem a bit off, it's actually the perfect balance. So I'm done with all these fucked up commitments, and finally have a sense of direction regarding the whole matter. I feel sorry though, because I look at a lot of my close friends, and they're still indulging themselves in these loose ended commitments. But everyone reaches the point in there life where they meet that one person which completely changes there view on the emotional part of our lives, which is a major part, and that's a fact no matter how hard we deny, and how tough we think we are, we are all a sucker to our emotions. But I'm a sucker for the right person, and my eyes aren't blinded by emotions, ironically, my eyes are open because of them. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.
Day 64: Paging Dr. Satan
My Library is prepared, BPM's re scanned (although that's pointless), the intro's for all the hottest afrobeat, dancehall, and hip hop songs ready. I honestly have never this prepared for a gig since my first gig, and that wouldn't even count because it was years back and I had no clue what I was doing. It's not due to lack of skill, but back then, I couldn't read the crowd, and know how to deal with any situations should they arise regardless of what they are. Those are things which come with experience. So why am I so prepared for tomorrow? Because this is the first party I have full control of since over a year ago. With my DJ reputations down the drain since I disappeared, this is my opportunity to step back into the spot light. It's a do or die situation. Dying is not an option, to be honest, I feel prepared. Let's just hope I don't jinks it. The venue is great, I mean, everything is in set for me to finally prove my point. Oh, and in case you know me, I know my gig is today but I typed that up last night so please excuse that. Alright, so I have a topic, because I am actually in the mood for a blog. I'm sorry for the repetitiveness but I personally feel this is an issue I should continuously address.The problem with us, as people today, is that we specialize more in judging the flaws of others, rather than ourselves. I'm not saying I'm not included, but then, some people take it to the next level. I usually always point out things wrong with our society and our people, claim I hate nothing more than hypocrisy, but at the same time, to some extent, I myself, I am judging people through this blog. But I only do it for the sake of people recognizing their flaws, and I tend to present it in an ironic, dramatic, and yet serious manner. See what Ii did there, about me being what I hate to some extent, that is recognizing your own flaws. I am acknowledging them. Because, I have literally seen this happen: A girl call another girl names cause she hangs out with guys. Yes, she has a few close friends who are guys, but in truth, the one pointing fingers hangs out with much more guys, and if according to her that's something worthy of being called names over, then she's the one who should be called what she's calling other people. So recognize your flaws, work on fixing them, and don't point fingers at people, I mean how hard could it be? With all due respect, Fiasco out.
Day 63: A Tale of Two Cities
I apologize for the inconsistency. Most of the times I do want to post, but my schedule is a bit tight. I'm not pretending to be busy, because to be honest, I barely have anything to do. I just wake up at 3 PM, have friends over or go out until about midnight, get back home, and just Skype with whoever is willing. Yesterday's day out was a bit interesting. Went to a party, pretty typical. At parties I'm just the person who's dancing whether the dance floor is full or not. Nothing really interesting there. What really made my night was a comment one my friends made. After the party, me and a couple of my closest friends decided to get some dinner. So were just sitting there, eating sandwiches, on the street, and I'm sipping on a strawberry smoothie. Were all talking about went well and what didn't at the party. So basically, I was like "Guys, I feel like blogging". Then they started making fun of me (which is pretty much us 24/7). They threw some comments about how I'm like the girl from Awkward (that completely pointless and over dramatic show on MTV). Pretty much it was something like: "If one thing goes wrong in your day, you over exaggerate it, blog it, and for some reason everyone reads it." While I am quite disappointed that I am being compared to some over dramatic teenage girl, it works for me, and regardless of what it is. I find pleasure in entertaining people, even if it means me revealing personal stuff at times. I am somewhat an entertainer my nature. I enjoy being behind a deck and rocking a party. I enjoy entertaining. Sort of brings a satisfying feeling to me. I will spare you of the controversy today. I may have not been hitting it off with women at all nowadays (long story short, if a girl doesn't hate me, she basically rejects my ass). But I have a couple of gigs in the next week. Feeling excited, particularly about one, because I'm almost sure it'll be massive, so this is an opportunity to finally demonstrate a complete year of occasional bedroom practice, and hopefully finally prove myself and cement myself as one of the top DJ's in this country. Plus, most DJ's start my age, and don't find success until their early 20's (spoke to one yesterday). Going to keep it short, sorry for no rants today, it's coming soon I promise. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.
Day 62: Because of Winn-Dixie
There's different ways to do things. One could back flip into a pool, or use the stairs to get in. I prefer to be and like to think I'm the kind of person who's doing back flips into the pool. How? By being reckless (I once actually played Wii without the safety strap on). As of lately, I've somewhat raised a few eyebrows due to the content of my blog. I mean, subliminally motivating the youth to be reckless through doing things socially unaccepted and raising the middle finger to everyone who disagrees (raising it with all due respect of course). People are not happy. Especially coming from a guy who does not even do a single thing he subliminally motivates people to do. The truth is, I am not motivating anyone to do anything. I am simply stating the factors people should not be judged for. Yes, culturally, socially, and most importantly religiously, things a few posts ago I said people should not be judged for are incorrect. But I do not believe that defines them as a person, and I will stand by that. So if they're a good person, towards me and other people, I got no problem them. Regardless of they're age, gender, or race. Middle finger up to anyone who judges them. I have been made aware the this is the sort of content which may potentially hurt a few feelings. So I'd just like to apologi...no, get lost. Accept it, to you, people like me are the disease of this society, but I'll always be here typing up my opinions whether correct or not regardless of what you think or believe. Okay, I have one more "as of lately". So, as of lately, I've actually received a lot of positive feedback on my blog, people telling me they love it, and agree with me. Well thank you, I honestly try my best. It feels nice having my efforts recognized. I mean, today, there is sort of a lack of content. People are always like looking forward to see what my next post is. Mostly because they are excited about what the next controversy. The pressure is on, now I have to keep my posts constantly interesting, even though I have absolutely nothing going other than occasional and very rare outbreaks of drama which barely last. Plus, I've hit about almost every controversial topic. But I actually have one slightly controversial. Have you ever seen those people social networking sites (specifically Twitter) who preach something and then have actions which completely contradict with there posts. Like for example, I see all these guys that tweet religiously, and obviously want to be viewed as religious people, yet contradict with what they post by constantly interacting with females in a non religiously friendly way (add to the mix if you're pretending to be some scholar you should not be interacting with them at all), and even take occasional bashes at them (not like I do that) although as religious people they should not do that. I know I constantly bemoan judging, but I am judging these people, yet I will not call them hypocrites, because I am not above them to judge them, nor do I know their intention. Yet I claim I'm not one because I don't judge people for my sake, I judge them for the entertainment of your controversy seeking mind. On that second bombshell of me being for the first time approaching the doorsteps of what I hate if not completely entering its premises, and with all due respect, Fiasco Out.
