Day 57: Pinkville

Day 57: Pinkville 

Apologies for the completely irrelevant post yesterday. I had not realized how irrelevant it was until today. Well, not like I can delete it. To be honest it's probably the lack of topics. I mean usually and before I took my 6 month or so break from this blog, I had plenty to talk about, and even more people reading my blog. So technically, the lack of topics isn't from lack of a social life (even though I claim I avoid everyone, I still have; more like had; emphasis on the past tense) enough going in my life to actually have a decent blog. Well I do at the moment. Basically, and this is something only people who are doing their IG exams at the moment can relate, IG's sort of mostly kill your social life. But now that they're on the verge of finishing, and I only have a paper left, I'm basically done, so I'm somewhat slowly regaining my social life. That's repetitive and I know I've said that a lot throughout my posts. So, let's switch it up. For me, things have been slightly different, especially regarding people. I usually get second thoughts about posting things like this, but I mean, you want to read this, and I honestly want to get it out of my head. When you're with someone for quite a while, things start changing. Not for the better, but also not for the worse. There's just a change. Constant situations bring about this change, cause the more time you and a specific person spend together, the more situations you go through, good or bad. I'm basically elaborating and paraphrasing the saying which talks about obstacles and you deciding whether you let something make you stronger or not, and then applying it to your friendship or relationship with someone. By situations, I also mean day to day things. Well as for me, I don't like the change. I understand I equally contribute to it, but it's just because as a person, that's how I am. For a very long time, I'll be on my very best behavior, but unfortunately that leads to people being to dependent and complacent with me. When I suddenly fall out to see how much the other person is willing to do the same for me, I am usually quite disappointed. This inevitably leads to me suddenly inputting effort on a much a lower basis as I am quite disappointed which then leads to everything falling apart. So to some extent, I have to blame myself for being on full gear on day one, and then the moment I'm gassed out, or life decides to bring me down, I expect someone who has never kicked things into full gear for me, to suddenly somehow magically get the will power to do it. So basically, this is sort of the reason, nothing ever works with me. It's the reason why I don't have too many friends, cause to be honest, there were only a few people who could notice when I gas myself out and then help me out. Furthermore, its the reason why relationships were never quite the thing with me, and to be honest, until I mature enough, or find someone who can pick up the signs easily and pick up the pace when I'm slowing down, they honestly will never be. It's the reason why educationally, sometimes I'm excelling, but at this moment (and thank God it happened to be at a timing where I only have one paper left) I'm gassed out. Don't get me wrong, mentally I have lots of stamina, but I'm not a machine, so I'm bound to suddenly face a drop at one point. These days, I've reached that point. This is the point where I feel like everything is bound to go wrong, cause I'm too fatigued to make things right, and to be honest, most people who have anything to do with me probably don't even notice it to making things right. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 56: Iron Curtain

Day 56: Iron Curtain 

Fashionably late, so you know things are back to the way they were. Yesterday, was a sleepless night. Well, not really, basically I got something of about 3 hours of sleep. Not like I was studying. Just laying down, thinking. Horrible thoughts, I actually considered quitting DJ'ing. Like my good days were over. Year 10, I really hit it off, parties on a weekly basis, 2 or even 3 in a week at once. But then deciding to put everything on hold totally killed me off. Plus, even though I've sold out and decided to play music I might not approve of in order to please the audience, I had a party last week to prove that, which went horribly wrong. Not that I was shit, far from that, in fact, if I had actually had a chance to play for just 30 minutes, I would've blew minds away, but there was no electricity in the venue, and add to the mix when the party was switched to an outdoor party, it started to rain. Will I get another chance? Probably not. Will I quit, and just stick to mixing in my bedroom? Fuck no. I'm not a quitter, Ii;ll keep trying, even though I completely refuse to be social and that's actually the most essential aspect to success, I'll start YouTube videos, and then I can play the music I like to people who like the same music. I'm not a quitter. My business exam is also a few days away. I'm not studying well, and today the flu struck quite heavily, but at this point, I'm more concerned about finishing exams than the actual exam. It's one paper, and I can't wait to be done with it. Material is running out. This is getting a little repetitive, me ranting about DJ'ing. Now I must follow it up with something interesting. I had something in mind last night, it was interesting but the problem is I don't remember what it is. Well here's the follow up, and its more of a controversial issue (since when are any of my posts not controversial). A friend of mine sent me a picture earlier and she was reading a book on how men think, or how their mind works or something. Not any man, but particularly your husband/fiance/boyfriend or whatever your significant other might be. Well, here's the deal. Men are pretty simple, and I know one guy pretty well, and that's myself, so basically, from my own self observation, and I'll try to be as non biased as possible, I'll try to give a fair evaluation. Basically, as a guy, I want success, fun (all the guys stuff), attention, and satisfaction. It's simple. Success is something my female mate at whichever point of my life isn't based on her, but what I want ,is support, Like for example, of course I'd expect a girl to support me in school and stuff, but then even if I have a hobby, and even a dream, as crazy as mine is, take DJ'ing for example, I'd expect her to support me, not through just telling I'm good, but even if I'm not, helping me get better. Fun is just a girl who's fun, be funny, acknowledge what he finds entertaining, whether sports, gaming, or whatever, just acknowledge that and have a positive vibe on him. As for attention, it's a major issue, always give men attention. We love that, and avoid giving attention to other guys, major drawback. As for satisfaction, I'm 16, but yeah, you get the point there. Whatever level your relationship might be, judge appropriately and act. I don't know, its simple stuff. I hope I made today's blog interesting. I had to attempt to make something out of nothing. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.  

Day 55: Pravda

Day 55: Pravda 

I have a business paper in four days and I'm 

quite amazed at how irresponsible I am at the moment. I'm typing up a blog instead, but I choose to blame the schedule for giving me a 10 day gap to study for one paper which completely rendered me inefficient, and I'm basically in Summer and vacation mode. Proof? Yesterday's wild night cruise. That was too much adrenaline for one night. Okay so basically, I decided as of lately for a couple of nights, to sort of "borrow" the house's car and take it for a midnight cruise with my friends. First night was legit, I was scared, could barely drive, but I imagined. Everyone was surprised I actually had the balls to do it. Second night was even more better as I started getting comfortable. Last night however, things took an interesting turn on more than one occasion. To begin with, as soon as I left the house, I decided to run into a cop checkpoint, and I was stopped. My voice was slightly shaking, my legs were shivering. I don't have a license, a cop in a bad mood simply meant trouble. To my luck, I had a learner's permit, which ironically wasn't even complete and useless. Took it out, he looked at it, then asked for papers for the car. The car had billions of papers. I had to think fast, but for a person with what once was a successful blog which he is now attempting to rejuvenate, persuasion wasn't a problem. I simply told him that I don't often drive this car, and had no clue where they were. It was a stunt. But it worked, I was off. Perfect so far. We had two cars, mine, and a friends. We were about roughly around 8 people. Well basically my friend's car decided to stop working, and the burden was on me to get everyone who lived in different corners of the city home, and get back home in time before my mom wakes up. I pulled it off, although through driving which made Fast and Furious races look like nothing. It might seem a bit boring on a paper, but believe, adrenaline was gushing through my blood vessels the entire night. Okay, so I'm sorry if I bored with this story. It was interesting for me, at least. I know you expected to indirectly insult people and call them hypocrites, even though you probably think I'm the biggest hypocrite here. With summer coming up however, I am running out of material. I'm also a bit sick at the moment, but I'll remain committed and attempt to post almost everyday. I shall go and attempt to be a bit productive. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 54: Graduate?

Day 54: Graduate?

Well first and foremost, I'm back. Tell your friends cause the occasional ranting you can relate to is back, making fun of my lifestyle, which is slightly ironic, talking about girls I "love", wrong choices, and me claiming I have morals, the usual. No, but seriously, I enjoyed the views cause at the moment DJ'ing isn't going great cause I took this whole year off and everyone forgot that I ever had a career or a mixer twice the size of most DJ's here. Okay yes you can be the shittiest DJ ever and own the best set, but it's still important what decks your using. Most people reading this don't know much about DJ'ing, but its sort of like me having a dick twice the size of the other people, and then for example, someone with a smaller male reproductive organ claiming he's better at sex, which is a possibility, but then sort of funny, and must mean I'm really shit for that to happen (which I hope I'm not). That didn't make sense, but what I wanted to say is that I enjoyed feeling I'm actually good at something, even if its feminine and made me come off as a 15 year old girl on her period, and I'm actually better in other stuff but don't get the recognition I believe I deserve. There's a change in me between my last post in September and now, I'm a high school graduate. The graduation is before the actual exam. Results are in August. I personally believe the graduation ceremony should be after the results, but I mean, there's a lot of external factors so that's obviously a no can do. I still have a business paper on the second of June, but it's merely a paper and I have a 10 day gap so I decided to horribly time my comeback in a time where some people have countless papers remaining. How'd I do? Worst than mocks in my opinion, but I'm just hoping it's enough for me to pull through and grant me entrance into one of my 3 options: University of Khartoum, the oldest, highly respected university. UMST, the prestigious if that's the word, or even a ticket to America even if that means a couple foundation years and almost a more than a 10th of the average human life span in university. So staying in Sudan obviously saves me a few valuable years before I get to have The Sudanese Dream of marrying a girl who was secretly a slut when younger(not that I'm saying all girls are), only to have her drain me financially, force me to interact with her family which is probably obnoxious, and live a boring life compromised of occasional budget vacations to non exotic locations. Glad to see I'm hostile and on attack mode on the day I'm back. I may be completely done with my high school experience in exactly 5 days, but I haven't changed, I'm simply maturing very slowly. I also refuse to associate myself with most people. No, I don't think I'm better than them. It may come off as that, it's just that, I prefer to keep my circles extremely tight, and now that high school is done, I will avoid interaction. Large parties I will attend, but probably nothing more. They're not my scene. I mean, it's always the same thing. There's some people that are drunk, one of the girls will probably start crying and the others will attempt comforting her whilst intoxicated. The drunk guys who just want to stick they're tongue down the first throat they see. The clique in a corner judging them and calling them sluts. The guys in another corner who are just acting like they're thugs. The other group of girls, well who, to be honest, really do anything. The girl I may potentially have set my eyes on or have a thing with hitting it off with some other guy, and occasionally eyeing me out of the corner of her eye. There's my friends, well who to be honest, are just checking girls out and complaining about how shit this place and want to leave. There's me, who's wondering how I even ended up here and wasted my day. Sums up high school for you. So really not my scene. I know I'm coming off as cocky, but I'm just really not social. Which is a problem since I want to DJ and that's to be honest, more based on the amount of people you know rather than how good you actually are. In the end though, it is what it is. Cheers to the most memorable years of my life so far, the worst and the best of times. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 53: A Summer Bromance

Day 53: A Summer Bromance 

I type this before I jump into a math chapter of graphs I barely know anything about. God knows how I'll pass IG's. The amount of pressure is unbearable. Here's a nice fact about me. I guess how my week is going to be based on football results on the weekend. And, yesterday, Chelsea lost. Far from a good sign. Add to that the fact that every team I hate won. I'm highly superstitious when it comes to things like this. The fact that I have a lot of things taking this place is far from comforting too. Math test tomorrow, religion test on Tuesday, chemistry test on Wednesday, and a history report due God knows when. Parent's evening on Wednesday or something too. I mean this situation can't get any worse. The thing is, I never have time to "just study". I do, but it's not enough. For example, I just woke up around 30 minutes ago. I need at least half an hour to get myself properly functioning. By the time I ate something and freshened up for my day, it'll be around 11:45. Assume I have two hours of homework. By the time I'm done it's around 2. I have 3 hours and a half to study. I have to get a million things I barely understand perfectly in my mind by that time. Around 5, I leave for a lesson and by the time I'm back, it's 9, and my mind has had so many things thrown at it, it just simply closes off, I'm fatigued, and by 10, I probably fall asleep in my clothes without even noticing. The daily life of an IG candidate. I barely interact with people anymore. I mean it's not just my weekends that these lessons have ruined, but notice in that schedule, I don't even have time to just watch TV. Listen to music, text a few friends. I've been horrible at keeping in touch lately, and if you're one of those people I used to talk on a daily basis, my deepest apologies, don't blame me, blame the IG life. The past week hasn't been very productive educationally. Every time I decide to study, I fall asleep (I think my mind does it on purpose). Countless doses of caffeine don't work anymore, as if my body has developed some type of biological immunity to it. But then again, it hasn't been completely unproductive when it comes to things such as pointless girls and friends drama (then again, when do I ever get a break from shit like that). I was nothing more than a crush. Those words were said recently  and damn did they finally bring some logic into some of this shit. I'm nothing more than the crush kind of guy you feel me? I mean I'll be super kind and a girl will take if for flirting, while acknowledging the fact that I probably say similar things to every girl I talk to, which is true, I am sadly, the nice guy person who won't ever put you down. I'm not hideous (at least I hope not). I'm immature and will occasionally make sexual jokes and push my limits thus offending a female, and then apologizing in some emotional way which makes me come of as I don't know, something. But add to the mix the fact that at times I turn into some philosophical character and say shit which could be quite impressive. I'll make forever alone and internet jokes. I mean the list of things I do does seem to go on. And to some girl that's really "cute". Boom! Next day I'm in my philosophical or whatever mood, play with words and make her admit slight emotions (even if it's just attraction), push things up a level, date for a few months, and then she figures, I was nothing more than a crush driven by the major lust females have but deny. When that happens, I get ignored for a month (majorly uncalled for ironic yet funny remark, well at least to me), get a text out of the blue when absolutely everything is going fine (another ironic remark), or yeah, you get what I mean. I'm easily attached therefore I can't do much about it, I get a text with the usual "it wasn't you, it was me" speech stolen off some cheesy and extremely popular dramatic TV show, and I'm back to how things were. Add to the mix that it barely takes me any time to get over someone no matter how attached I am. Give it a week, and I'm cracking jokes about the billions of flaws I missed the whole time! I usually blame myself for things, like hey, I never should have done that, or said that. That's the reason. Everyone agrees to it. But no. It's never something I did. It's simply who I am. I am blabbing on so I'll pause myself. Just for the record, I get it's not right for me to classify myself as whatever I just classified myself as, but then again, not like someone else has a blog about me, so I'll just speak from unbiased and real perspective as much as I can. I really wanted to talk about something more important considering I put things like that on hold. The community I'm in based on hypocrisy is killing me. I'll leave that to the next post though, and sincerest apologies for my uncalled for remarks. I'm an sarcastic asshole, one of the traits that make me fall in love with myself. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 52: Bagpipes From Baghdad

Day 52: Bagpipes From Baghdad

I type this blog while listening to some Santana, meaning I'm in somewhat of a positive mood. There's so much I want to talk about today. I was reading the post of one of my friends, and she was on point with something I could highly relate to. I'm a prefect. Same kind as the one's in Harry Potter or whatever, if you go to the typical third world school, Google what it is, I'm not going to explain what a prefect is. I mean she's head girl which is a much larger responsibility. But even though, I still have to a do a few things every now and then that a typical student wouldn't do. Some of these things require respect from other students. That's the problem, I barely get any. What am I going to do? Snitch? Throw a punch? Obviously not. There's no solution. It's overrated. The only perk is that at times, well actually rarely, I get to show up 5 minutes late or something. Other than that, whenever I do something wrong or mess around (which is a lot), I get this whole lecture from teachers over how I'm a prefect and should set an example. Set an example? Do you not know this school? All these children are a bunch of immature, stuck up brats. I mean I'm included at times, but they just take it to a whole new level. I sincerely wish anyone who has no sense of respect and wants to appear cool nothing but suffering. You truly don't deserve anything you were blessed with. Ignorant cunts. In addition, there's this kid who is like 5 years younger than me thinking he can push me around. It's funny because the only reason I stay quiet is that I know it's not the kid. I mean he's a kid, but he knows I at any given moment can just slap him. What I've noticed is that that's exactly what they want me to do. They, not him. Someone wants me to lose my nerve, do that, and then use that as an excuse to come after me. Might as well give them what they want. This will probably in some sort of physical confrontation, which I always tried to avoid. But it's been what, 5 years since I got in some decent fight. Plus I was daredevil child, short back then, but I was always able to whoop ass pretty badly. Not cause I was strong, but I guess it was just instinctive. I hit quick, far from hard since I'm not well built, but did damage and could majorly take some. Let's hope I still got that. I hate when I'm forced into things like this, but fuck it, I won't be pushed around by some hypocrite cunts. I just hate how the society I live in is built on fear, not respect. Ironically, with all due respect, and not fear, Fiasco Out.  

Day 51: Where's The Drum and Bass?

Day 51: Where's The Drum and Bass? 

Seems like I'm committing well at the moment! (Note the sarcasm) By this post I probably would've hit 4,000. I suffer from lack of material at the moment. I mean to be honest, I tried posting the day after my previous post, and I had nothing good to talk about. What do I blame? Without a doubt the whole IGCSE situation. It basically has killed off all my priorities and concerns. I mean I spend an extra 15 hours a day (so that's technically two school days) in night lessons. Add it and it's like going to school all week basically. The one day which I can go out, I have a lesson on that finishes at 9 on. I also have to be home before midnight. So I basically have 3 hours which I'm allowed to have somewhat of a social life on. I mean I don't spend my whole day studying. Matter of fact, I haven't studied anything like for the sake of studying yet. I just do my homework and all and use that as my form of studying. I was never good with straight up exams and all that, but this is a life changing one, so I'll make sure I don't mess this one up. So yesterday was the weekend! Was an okay day, would've been really good if the place wasn't crowded. I just have an issue when I know too many people at one place, and there's just no space in general. I usually can't sort the place out, nor do I feel comfortable. I was in a good mood though, so that's ironic judging on the amounts of people that came. I mean that's my lack of material right there, no dramatic stories which everyone wants, nothing major coming up. My life is pretty much at a stead hold moment. Nothing really happening. I'll focus on school, my future, and that's it. Not like I have time for anything else. And to be honest, not like I need anything getting in the way of that. With all due respect, Fiasco out.