Day 48: Fist Pumped The Pain Away

Day 48: Fist Pumped The Pain Away 

I'm starting to think I can seriously be diagnosed with bipolarity. Yesterday I was whining like a little bitch about a problem. Today? Watched countless episodes of Arrow (which is the best series created in the history of all TV shows known to man). Been working on music, on a rate where I download 2+ GB of music a day for the past 4 days, of every genre you can think off (except metal, hate that shit). 3 party worthy bootlegs a day. I've really been doing all I can to step up my game. Just wish I did it a bit earlier than the year I'm an IGCSE candidate. Keep in mind that I said I'm not going to be an official DJ for any party. That doesn't mean I won't show up, feature, possibly throw in a few playlists to who need them. I just won't go through the stress of planning out a party, preparing, and procedures of a party. I won't have time for all that. Yesterday, I won't lie, I had somewhat of an emotional and mental breakdown. Called one of my friends, had him over, talked it out, took some pain killers (not in an I'm an American middle age mom who's addicted to them) kind of way. They just calm me down. That made me sound like an addict. I barely take them, I don't want my social accounts and rumors tomorrow cause of a remark I made without noticing. So yeah, the mental breakdown I had yesterday was cause of the problem I posted about. It's a problem worth worrying about, one that's out of my power and in someone else's hand after I did all I could. I honestly feel pathetic, letting myself have a mental breakdown over an individual. Shows me how vulnerable I made myself. When I haven't even done something notably wrong that I'm aware of, and even if I did, not even worth being told I did something wrong. So to conclude that issue, I've made that problem a priority of mine for too long, had it nearly ruin my vacation, lose my confidence for quite a while, enter a major depression period and even have a mental breakdown over. All over nothing. I can't keep trying to force something that's two sided into one. I feel as if I'm talking to a brick wall. I'm done humiliating myself. I shouldn't keep killing myself mentally over someone who makes me feel worthless, because even if it seems like I'm worth nothing to someone at the moment, I'm worth something to a lot of people. Worth the world to some. And let's not forget, also a charmer! (Wink, wink) My confidence level has been up, my DJ skills have been majorly sharpening, and after finally getting my mind straight, rearranging my priorities for the time being. Until that problem turns from a problem over nothing to something, its far from priority. Funny right? I make it seem as if it was someone else who posted yesterday. But like I said, I've matured. Not fully as I've noted yesterday, but enough to know I decide my happiness and well being, and nothing else. I've got new killer tracks, major bootlegs, planning on making hour long pop mash-ups (Not electronic, but pop, as in something that everyone loves). They'll step into tracks from The Caribbean tropical islands, killer hip hop tracks, hottest Ibiza club hits, and even slow jam tracks for all those couples and people who like spicing things up! It's something that'll take a while so please bare with me. School's next week. Not looking forward to that. School's just overrated, and there's too many people who just disgust me. If you're reading this, you're probably not one of them! On the contrary, I'm glad I got my sanity back after a sleepless night followed by a day where I had a mental breakdown. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.