Day 68: Telemiscommunications

Day 68: Telemiscommunications  

Wow hasn't it been a while? Don't I disappear every year around this time? I won't say I'm back and all that, cause I'm sort of a bit disappointed that every time I blog, including today, I seem like an over dramatic 16 year old girl. But what's interesting about this blog, is I just scroll down and I relive the days starting from Year 10 up until the days of when I finished high school. Wow. This blog, has literally been through like 3 different relationships, over the past two years. Even looking forward to take in with me to university, making a part of two different educational systems. What a journey it has been. Okay let's skip me awing at all the "amazing" things about this blog and jump straight into the topic. So I have passed my IGCSE exams and thank God with results that made me, and my family proud. I have yet to get accepted into any university. So here's the catch about that. I want to join University of Khartoum, the most respected and prestigious university in Sudan without a doubt. Faculty of Medicine. Half the population wants to join as well and IGCSE students already have a tough enough time getting in. I won't get into the complicated application procedures which have been hassling for the past month, but just pray that I get in. So here's something I want to talk about relating to this. A lot of my friends are a year younger, and all of them complain about how it's mentally cracking them and all that. I was in the same position last year, and I get exactly the pressure each and every one of them is going through. I thought that it was the worst feeling in the world, going through the last year and the stress and exams and all that. But ever since my results, I've discovered a worst feeling, and sadly, it's one that has me going insane nearly every day. I wish I had to wake up at 7 AM everyday and get dressed, go to school half asleep, see my friends, and even the people I hate. I wish I sat in English class which lasted forever, and chemistry class which I fell asleep in. Went home and crashed from exhaustion, woke up and had to jump straight into piles of homework and study my ass off before I had to go to a night class. Text my friend about how I hate school and want the year to be over with. Cause you know what's the worst feeling? The fact that I wake up every afternoon, and have NOTHING to do other than occasionally hitting the gym and going out with my friends. There's no sense of purpose, no sense of direction. Everyday just feels pointless. I don't even know where I'm going to be in a couple of months. That ladies and gentleman, is the worst feeling ever. I can't wait to be complaining a month or two from now about how much I hate school or university or college or where ever I end up. Because many people do not understand how much of a blessing that is. Other than that it's still the usual, I am emotionally drowning, nothing worse than having butterflies in your stomach all day and being trapped within your own mind. DJ wise though, I have had gigs and still got a few more upcoming, so at least that's going well. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 67: Nineteen Eighty-Four

Day 67: Nineteen Eighty-Four 

Three more days and I'm gone. Not feeling great, A sore throat has decided to strike me on a horrible timing, and this might be the beginning of something worse (pray that it's not). I do not know what to expect from my little vacation. I also don't know how it's going to be. Add to the mix that I've gone a lot in the past years, I mean for the past three summers, it has been the same destination. I usually don't leave the capital, but this year it seems like that's going to change. Add to the mix I know a few people there so that might mean some more fun. However I'm also fasting and out and walking for the entire so that entirely kills me every day until it's time to break the fast. It also means that I cannot have a day which compares which may look of a scene of The Hangover movies (particularly the one where they go to Thailand). I understand that my blog has influence quite a number of people, as of lately a few people have actually told me that they want to change because they fall into what I describe as negatives on this blog. That somewhat puts a burden on my shoulders to be very careful about what I say. If I want to influence people, it is to make people better as individuals. I am far from perfect as an individual, I am not better than anyone. I have positives and negatives just like everyone does. None the less, I will still stand by previous and future statements, even though I understand they may contradict with what I believe are somewhat unfair social beliefs of this country. So in short, to those of you who strictly obey the rules forced upon us by this cruel society, which has a vague application of religion to culture, people like me will be the cancer of this society. No, I am not saying I will contradict my religion. Never. I am sinner, similar to all of you. However, I will contradict those who believe they have successfully mix religion and culture. I mean look at our country, arguably one of the poorest in the world. Why? Due to this vague understanding and attempt of an implication of religion. Should a proper Islamic community be established, then the community and nation will be one of the most successful in the world. That is my belief. Okay, let me not zone out into something above most of our understanding, including my own. I have seen people somewhat receive some stick for reasons possibly relating to a few of my posts. I mean I understand some people assume some things I write may be indirect attacks at people, and although they are not, that's something they can't understand. However, I don't think we are ever in a position to directly attack people through social networks, and it sort of bothered me seeing someone people for some reason have related my posts to being called names. Should my blog have had anything to do with it, and someone thinks that simply due to an assumption they have the right to judge someone, then I feel like I have indirectly influenced actions which I would never approve off. If there's anything I wanted to do, is to attack judgment on people, not influence it. We are all in no position to judge anyone, for we don't know there story, nor their intentions. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 66: Missing A Six

Day 66: Missing A Six 

Inconsistency should be my middle name. Apparently I have a few friends who get very agitated when I go a few days without blogging so sincerest apologies. It's just that to be honest, there is a lack of content, and also a lack of time management. Plus, I won't just blog anything, because I always strive to make my blogs top notch, different, and interesting. I don't copy anyone, and like to have my own style and way of doing things. So past three days, I've been attempting to build up an appetite but miserably been failing, my diet plan has spiraled because I can't find a balance to measure my weight and accordingly start my plan. I've also been accused of sub blogging (if such a thing exists). You see people really need to understand that I do not focus my blog on specific people, and they're generalized, however, I will admit that the actions of many of the people I know do influence the topics, but I don't just sit there and go like oh I don't like so and so, let me sit here and subliminally insult there ass. Nope, not how things happen. I'm not going to focus on that because I've explained that a million times, and this just made it a million and one. So, good news for me, I should be, hopefully, leaving this country within a week. Where am I going? The amazing concrete jungle, Kuala Lumpur. Just like last summer, it means I won't be blogging for nearly a month, but also similarly it means this is around the same topic. You see, for the past two years, every time I went, I was in a relationship. A few days into Malaysia, and they'd magically have a downfall and that would really kill the vacation, not when I'm out, but when you wake up and you start over thinking. Now, no straight up commitments. I'm sixteen, curios, and this seems perfectly set up to be a wild vacation. Hopefully, and please do pray that this vacation goes smoothly (not that the past ones haven't been smooth, but just smoother). Add to the mix that whenever I come back from vacations, I feel like a different person, like I feel more mature and changed (for the better). I keep in touch with everyone when I'm gone, but to be honest, I just feel like not even getting internet when I'm there, and just forgetting the world and enjoying myself. But, we all know that won't happen. So with all due respect, Fiasco Out.   

Day 65: Daydream

Day 65: Daydream 

A perfect morning. Woke up after over sleeping which resulted in me getting all the rest I needed. Listening to some Lupe, and honestly this the perfect song to put me in a state of mind which I need, the lyrics are ironic to some extent, and the beat is sampled from a jazz song. Perfect. As for yesterday in what was a do or die situation, I am glad to inform you that I did. Regardless of what people thought about the party itself, the decision was unanimous that killed it. I feel like I've proved my point. I'm satisfied, so regardless of after today whether the gigs keep rolling in, or I'm staying home in my bed room, eyes closed, imagining a crowd of a 100,000 in front of me. As of yesterday, I have resorted out my priorities. With education on a pause at the moment considering its summer, I can focus on music and my friends. I won't lie, I can't hit it off with a girl to save my life, I mean I can try, but I would get rejected quicker than you can blink your eye, so fuck that shit, plus to be honest, I have sort of a commitment in my life at the moment (teaser because I'll never talk about that). But as of resorting out my priorities, I have a sense of stability in my life, something which I lacked for the previous years in my life. My priorities were completely wrong. I mean here's how it is: family, education (which now is vague up until university), friends, music, and then material things (which include guilty pleasures such as girls). Material things shouldn't even be there, but whatever, we all like material things, so I will not deny it. What I don't have time for is those high school 30 minute relationships with girls who are drama hungry, especially now and specifically for the past year where I have discovered what I want, and ironically it was standing right in front of me. It's quite ironic, I mean everything I hate she's not, but everything I like, she's not either, and even though that may seem a bit off, it's actually the perfect balance. So I'm done with all these fucked up commitments, and finally have a sense of direction regarding the whole matter. I feel sorry though, because I look at a lot of my close friends, and they're still indulging themselves in these loose ended commitments. But everyone reaches the point in there life where they meet that one person which completely changes there view on the emotional part of our lives, which is a major part, and that's a fact no matter how hard we deny, and how tough we think we are, we are all a sucker to our emotions. But I'm a sucker for the right person, and my eyes aren't blinded by emotions, ironically, my eyes are open because of them. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.

Day 64: Paging Dr. Satan

Day 64: Paging Dr. Satan 

My Library is prepared, BPM's re scanned (although that's pointless), the intro's for all the hottest afrobeat, dancehall, and hip hop songs ready. I honestly have never this prepared for a gig since my first gig, and that wouldn't even count because it was years back and I had no clue what I was doing. It's not due to lack of skill, but back then, I couldn't read the crowd, and know how to deal with any situations should they arise regardless of what they are. Those are things which come with experience. So why am I so prepared for tomorrow? Because this is the first party I have full control of since over a year ago. With my DJ reputations down the drain since I disappeared, this is my opportunity to step back into the spot light. It's a do or die situation. Dying is not an option, to be honest, I feel prepared. Let's just hope I don't jinks it. The venue is great, I mean, everything is in set for me to finally prove my point. Oh, and in case you know me, I know my gig is today but I typed that up last night so please excuse that. Alright, so I have a topic, because I am actually in the mood for a blog. I'm sorry for the repetitiveness but I personally feel this is an issue I should continuously address.The problem with us, as people today, is that we specialize more in judging the flaws of others, rather than ourselves. I'm not saying I'm not included, but then, some people take it to the next level. I usually always point out things wrong with our society and our people, claim I hate nothing more than hypocrisy, but at the same time, to some extent, I myself, I am judging people through this blog. But I only do it for the sake of people recognizing their flaws, and I tend to present it in an ironic, dramatic, and yet serious manner. See what Ii did there, about me being what I hate to some extent, that is recognizing your own flaws. I am acknowledging them. Because, I have literally seen this happen: A girl call another girl names cause she hangs out with guys. Yes, she has a few close friends who are guys, but in truth, the one pointing fingers hangs out with much more guys, and if according to her that's something worthy of being called names over, then she's the one who should be called what she's calling other people. So recognize your flaws, work on fixing them, and don't point fingers at people, I mean how hard could it be? With all due respect, Fiasco out.  

Day 63: A Tale of Two Cities

Day 63: A Tale of Two Cities 

I apologize for the inconsistency. Most of the times I do want to post, but my schedule is a bit tight. I'm not pretending to be busy, because to be honest, I barely have anything to do. I just wake up at 3 PM, have friends over or go out until about midnight, get back home, and just Skype with whoever is willing. Yesterday's day out was a bit interesting. Went to a party, pretty typical. At parties I'm just the person who's dancing whether the dance floor is full or not. Nothing really interesting there. What really made my night was a comment one my friends made. After the party, me and a couple of my closest friends decided to get some dinner. So were just sitting there, eating sandwiches, on the street, and I'm sipping on a strawberry smoothie. Were all talking about went well and what didn't at the party. So basically, I was like "Guys, I feel like blogging". Then they started making fun of me (which is pretty much us 24/7). They threw some comments about how I'm like the girl from Awkward (that completely pointless and over dramatic show on MTV). Pretty much it was something like: "If one thing goes wrong in your day, you over exaggerate it, blog it, and for some reason everyone reads it." While I am quite disappointed that I am being compared to some over dramatic teenage girl, it works for me, and regardless of what it is. I find pleasure in entertaining people, even if it means me revealing personal stuff at times. I am somewhat an entertainer my nature. I enjoy being behind a deck and rocking a party. I enjoy entertaining. Sort of brings a satisfying feeling to me. I will spare you of the controversy today. I may have not been hitting it off with women at all nowadays (long story short, if a girl doesn't hate me, she basically rejects my ass). But I have a couple of gigs in the next week. Feeling excited, particularly about one, because I'm almost sure it'll be massive, so this is an opportunity to finally demonstrate a complete year of occasional bedroom practice, and hopefully finally prove myself and cement myself as one of the top DJ's in this country. Plus, most DJ's start my age, and don't find success until their early 20's (spoke to one yesterday). Going to keep it short, sorry for no rants today, it's coming soon I promise. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.

Day 62: Because of Winn-Dixie

Day 62: Because of Winn-Dixie 

There's different ways to do things. One could back flip into a pool, or use the stairs to get in. I prefer to be and like to think I'm the kind of person who's doing back flips into the pool. How? By being reckless (I once actually played Wii without the safety strap on). As of lately, I've somewhat raised a few eyebrows due to the content of my blog. I mean, subliminally motivating the youth to be reckless through doing things socially unaccepted and raising the middle finger to everyone who disagrees (raising it with all due respect of course). People are not happy. Especially coming from a guy who does not even do a single thing he subliminally motivates people to do. The truth is, I am not motivating anyone to do anything. I am simply stating the factors people should not be judged for. Yes, culturally, socially, and most importantly religiously, things a few posts ago I said people should not be judged for are incorrect. But I do not believe that defines them as a person, and I will stand by that. So if they're a good person, towards me and other people, I got no problem them. Regardless of they're age, gender, or race. Middle finger up to anyone who judges them. I have been made aware the this is the sort of content which may potentially hurt a few feelings. So I'd just like to apologi...no, get lost. Accept it, to you, people like me are the disease of this society, but I'll always be here typing up my opinions whether correct or not regardless of what you think or believe. Okay, I have one more "as of lately". So, as of lately, I've actually received a lot of positive feedback on my blog, people telling me they love it, and agree with me. Well thank you, I honestly try my best. It feels nice having my efforts recognized. I mean, today, there is sort of a lack of content. People are always like looking forward to see what my next post is. Mostly because they are excited about what the next controversy. The pressure is on, now I have to keep my posts constantly interesting, even though I have absolutely nothing going other than occasional and very rare outbreaks of drama which barely last. Plus, I've hit about almost every controversial topic. But I actually have one slightly controversial. Have you ever seen those people social networking sites (specifically Twitter) who preach something and then have actions which completely contradict with there posts. Like for example, I see all these guys that tweet religiously, and obviously want to be viewed as religious people, yet contradict with what they post by constantly interacting with females in a non religiously friendly way (add to the mix if you're pretending to be some scholar you should not be interacting with them at all), and even take occasional bashes at them (not like I do that) although as religious people they should not do that. I know I constantly bemoan judging, but I am judging these people, yet I will not call them hypocrites, because I am not above them to judge them, nor do I know their intention. Yet I claim I'm not one because I don't judge people for my sake, I judge them for the entertainment of your controversy seeking mind. On that second bombshell of me being for the first time approaching the doorsteps of what I hate if not completely entering its premises, and with all due respect, Fiasco Out.  

Day 61: My Pet Coelacanth

Day 61: My Pet Coelacanth 

Well don't we have a lot in store for today? Yes, quite a lot of things from your favorite controversial socially awkward yet somewhat accepted kid from down the street. Okay, no boring introductions on education or music. Today has been quite the day so far. To begin with, I woke up quite late, and first thing I did was check my phone. A text from a friend who's older telling me about how he really enjoys my blog, and probably as of lately it's gotten much better (hell yeah it has). But then, at the same time, other people were somewhat not very happy about my content, saying I use this blog to disrespect people. Add to that me being hypocritical by being the one with the mentality which I constantly bemoan and claim I hate. Understandable opinions. I mean okay, I'm disrespectful, won't deny that, and the signing off with the "all due respect" is supposed to be ironic. I bash at all functional parts of our society. Regardless of where you stand, I'm bound to insult your lifestyle using a few middle school English cliche statements. Am I a hypocrite though? Do I have the mentality which I constantly bemoan. Well again, judging myself would make it really inaccurate. So let's do a breakdown (yay!). What do I have in common with this mentality? I actually am very common to it when you think of it. I judge and analyze almost everyone and use it on blog posts to get views and satisfy my readers. One day I'll be praising a lifestyle, the next I'll be insulting it. So what makes me different? My intentions. I couldn't care less about people's lifestyles in real life, it's only in this blog to express my opinion. It's only here where I turn into your 15 year old girl on her period and rant about relevant topics. But then in person, I'm far from that (or at least I like to think so). The real problem though, was that yesterday I decided to relate my generalized topic to a personal experience, and then stated it was a cheap shot. That was to add effect, and honestly, it was not offensive (and that's just not my opinion, but almost everyone in a neutral perspective). I mean I simply stated what happened (from my side of course). So you find me offensive? Well I find you offensive for finding me offensive (what?). So even though I've stated a billion times, I'll do it again. I do not target specific people, or groups, I target everyone. I will occasionally relate topics to personal experiences, regardless of whether it involves people or not. Not offensively, its simply relating. If you find me offensive, either do not read my blog, or tone down the sensitivity and laugh at the irony of my situation, and your situation. Conclusion, this blog contains derogatory terms, nostalgia, controversy, cheap shots (which aren't really shots at all), and bashes to your society and lifestyles. But of course, it contains them, with the utmost respect. So on that bombshell, and with all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 60: The Road To Indiana

Day 60: The Road To Indiana 

A long day. But then, since when are days not long? As of lately, personally, I've been feeling improvement, like for the past few days, to be honest, my mood, has been improving. Simply cause I'm not letting external factors effect me. Focusing on music, and just viewing life positively. I mean to be honest, I've got to throw some of the credit to my friends. I mean honestly got a lot of friends who were there for me. One has specifically gotten a lot of trouble lately, but chooses to stick around. False accusations and all, but to be honest, regardless of the accusations and situation, I'd never ditch her. Why? Cause to be honest, a few posts ago, I hit that low point of my life where everything comes crashing down. To be honest, she was there for me. She never even said that she'd be there for me, no, it's not about that. Her actions showed it, not her words. She did subconsciously. How? Through simply being a good friend. She never asked what's wrong, or if I'd like to talk about it. She was the positive vibe, simply through constantly being with me. That's what I needed. Not a bunch of empty promises about how you'll always be here for me, or you'll never leave (they've become way to cliche). All my friends, shout out to you. Okay, controversial debate time? Or should I just sit this day out? I'll sit it out and go for something a bit more calm and flows easily. To be honest, I have content which I can talk about, I just wouldn't, too controversial, and I'm not really feeling it cause it involves me and other people, and I don't like other people. But here's a relate able thing which I hope isn't controversial. I have commitments. So let me use a nice mix of past experiences to explain why relationships are shit. Okay, here's the catch, I know one girl who I could definitely keep a relationship hopefully until like forever with. Physically though, we can't be together (distance is a bitch). But then I doubt I could and I didn't with any other girl in the past. I choose to blame the mentality of this country. I mean breakups over you supposedly dancing with another girl (even though it doesn't happen [uncalled for cheap shot]). Expectations on you being someone that you're not (like some Prince Charming), all are factors which in this place, make it impossible. Plus, women in general (yes, I'm playing the sexist card) forget every good thing that you've ever done and just highlight the bad. So yes, we all do bad stuff, mistakes, but even though your good actions always out weigh them, in this place, it's a legitimate reason to cause things to come crashing down. Which is why, at this moment, and this horrible country, I think they're shit. Ironically, the one girl who I feel I could keep kicking it with forever never lived here, and that's a major reason in my assumption. Frankly though, this post was useless, just like I am, and just like my life is, and was. Oh, and if you're reading this early, I'll have the cheesy quote up by tomorrow. So, with all due respect. Fiasco Out.

Day 59: Eminado

Day 59: Eminado 

"Yes ladies and gentleman, this is how cheesy I've gotten"

Blogging weather. I don't know if that's even a term, but at the moment, there's a massive sandstorm, and every now and then massive showers of rain. I've gotten lots of positive feedback for yesterday's post, and everyone who read it seems to agree. Glad to see some people are actually on the same side with my always controversial theories. Another one today? Nah. I don't even know what I'm going to talk about, I never do, I simply, just let my fingers connect, and whatever spills out, does. The thing is, most people assume in some of my posts, I single out groups, or specific people, but for the millionth time, I don't. If I have a problem with someone, I don't blog it, and if I do, I specifically say that this is directed to a specific person. Yesterday, it was a theory I thought of, and then I did use an example concerning my friend. However if at any time you felt that a part of it was directed to you, then you feel guilty. It's your subconscious or even your conscious side telling you this somewhat applies to you. If it does, and it's something positive, awesome. If it's not something positive, then either I disagree with something regarding you, and whether you want to change it, or not, that's your opinion and problem, not mine. I mean I get to many of the people who personally know me and read the blog telling me "I know who you meant by that". I didn't mean anyone, and understand I'm not 12 years old to specifically address someone through my blog. Okay? Cool. As of recently, I've stopped socializing. Not because I'm antisocial, but because I have no tolerance for drama. In my opinion, 4 quarters are more valuable then 40 pennies. I'd rather have a few really good friends, then ten times the amount of friends who aren't worth anything. Plus, maybe the reason I've stopped socializing is cause I've had that drop in everything, and that includes connections with most people. Simply cause, none of them care enough to have the effort to stick around when I need them the most. Sort of the same situation as always. "You know I'm here for you if you ever need it, or ever need somebody to talk to." Yes, perfect, found the topic for today. That line. How many people have ever said it to you? A lot. It's a lot easier said then done. People tend to say it a lot. The thought is nice, but then, no one ever actually pulls through with it. Like just cause you said that to me, I'm not going to run to you, and be like be here for me. No, wrong concept. If you want to be here for me, show it. Simple as that. I feel like I'm ranting and will lose my point soon. Not that I've even made one, but then, sort of what makes my blog unique, endless arguments with no points or purpose, just like my life. With all due respect (as always), Fiasco Out.

Day 58: At Dawn We Rage

Day 58: At Dawn We Rage 

I haven't blogged in a while however for the past few days I have been quite under the weather, I had a flu and then the day I recovered, food poisoning struck. Well I feel like I'm back on my feet. Fatigue sort of faded and now I'm feeling great. Well it's summer. But along with summer comes a lack of purpose and direction. Here's the difference between this summer and all the previous ones. Every summer, you possibly join summer night classes, or at least that was the case for me last summer. You know where your headed to, and that's obviously the next school year after the vacation is done. Well, this year, I don't know where I'm headed and won't know until August when the results are out. Not to mention I still haven't applied for a single university or college. Add to the mix I'm starting to doubt going for medicine (even though I know that's almost definitely the career path I'm taking). It's appealing cause I'm good at it, and it'll offer me satisfaction especially considering I'm helping people. It's not appealing because, it takes forever to get down, and forever to get a decent paying job, experience, and reputation. Add to the mix being a DJ is not option (sadly). Hoping it'll all sort out when my results coming. I'm just hoping my results are pretty good. I actually have an interesting theory that I'd like to share. So high school is over. Looking back, I sort of realized a few misconceptions. Where I'm from, culturally, religiously, and socially, drinking and smoking (and I don't mean cigarettes) are sort of looked down upon. For guys, and this is cause of the social inequality (if that's the correct terminology) present in this country, if you do any of those things, it's not a big deal. But if a girl does it, she's automatically gets called by people who don't know much about her a slut, hoe, or whatever. But what I've realized, is that, its actually sort of opposite, in both cases. Personally, I find guys who smoke weed quite obnoxious, sort of because 75% of conversations with them are about they're smoking experiences. "Dude once, I got so high"...no, shut the hell up, I couldn't care less. As for drinking, same issue. Nothing is worse than drunk guys. Especially in a country where 90% of the guys think the chicks will think it's hot to overdo how drunk you are and act wasted and go all crazy and claim they can't control themselves. That just makes them annoying and obnoxious. But for girls, here's why I think it's the opposite. Girls don't enjoy talking about they're getting high experiences. Like she's basically the same around you. When she's drunk, I mean its all fun and games until one of her friends who's wasted starts crying and the scene turns horribly lame and repetitive considered it happens nearly every time. Now you would think, that would make them more annoying then your "straight edge" girls here. But here's the twist, girls here who don't associate themselves with stuff are usually judgmental, and close minded. Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone, but to be honest, it applies to a fair share of people. I hang out with a lot of girls, and the amount of girls I've seen call other girls slut simply cause they have a different lifestyle is unbelievable. Not to mention, these girls are usually quite boring, and not even social. I mean recently I've heard that, I've seen a friend of mine judged simply cause she's grown close to me (even though this irrelevant but it's the same the concept). I understand a fair amount of females read my blog, so with all my heart, if you can remember once calling a girl a slut or hoe for smoking or drinking something, or even something as simple as hanging out with guys, fuck you for believing everyone should be like you and not being like you makes them bad. But of course, fuck you, with all due respect! Fiasco Out.  

Day 57: Pinkville

Day 57: Pinkville 

Apologies for the completely irrelevant post yesterday. I had not realized how irrelevant it was until today. Well, not like I can delete it. To be honest it's probably the lack of topics. I mean usually and before I took my 6 month or so break from this blog, I had plenty to talk about, and even more people reading my blog. So technically, the lack of topics isn't from lack of a social life (even though I claim I avoid everyone, I still have; more like had; emphasis on the past tense) enough going in my life to actually have a decent blog. Well I do at the moment. Basically, and this is something only people who are doing their IG exams at the moment can relate, IG's sort of mostly kill your social life. But now that they're on the verge of finishing, and I only have a paper left, I'm basically done, so I'm somewhat slowly regaining my social life. That's repetitive and I know I've said that a lot throughout my posts. So, let's switch it up. For me, things have been slightly different, especially regarding people. I usually get second thoughts about posting things like this, but I mean, you want to read this, and I honestly want to get it out of my head. When you're with someone for quite a while, things start changing. Not for the better, but also not for the worse. There's just a change. Constant situations bring about this change, cause the more time you and a specific person spend together, the more situations you go through, good or bad. I'm basically elaborating and paraphrasing the saying which talks about obstacles and you deciding whether you let something make you stronger or not, and then applying it to your friendship or relationship with someone. By situations, I also mean day to day things. Well as for me, I don't like the change. I understand I equally contribute to it, but it's just because as a person, that's how I am. For a very long time, I'll be on my very best behavior, but unfortunately that leads to people being to dependent and complacent with me. When I suddenly fall out to see how much the other person is willing to do the same for me, I am usually quite disappointed. This inevitably leads to me suddenly inputting effort on a much a lower basis as I am quite disappointed which then leads to everything falling apart. So to some extent, I have to blame myself for being on full gear on day one, and then the moment I'm gassed out, or life decides to bring me down, I expect someone who has never kicked things into full gear for me, to suddenly somehow magically get the will power to do it. So basically, this is sort of the reason, nothing ever works with me. It's the reason why I don't have too many friends, cause to be honest, there were only a few people who could notice when I gas myself out and then help me out. Furthermore, its the reason why relationships were never quite the thing with me, and to be honest, until I mature enough, or find someone who can pick up the signs easily and pick up the pace when I'm slowing down, they honestly will never be. It's the reason why educationally, sometimes I'm excelling, but at this moment (and thank God it happened to be at a timing where I only have one paper left) I'm gassed out. Don't get me wrong, mentally I have lots of stamina, but I'm not a machine, so I'm bound to suddenly face a drop at one point. These days, I've reached that point. This is the point where I feel like everything is bound to go wrong, cause I'm too fatigued to make things right, and to be honest, most people who have anything to do with me probably don't even notice it to making things right. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 56: Iron Curtain

Day 56: Iron Curtain 

Fashionably late, so you know things are back to the way they were. Yesterday, was a sleepless night. Well, not really, basically I got something of about 3 hours of sleep. Not like I was studying. Just laying down, thinking. Horrible thoughts, I actually considered quitting DJ'ing. Like my good days were over. Year 10, I really hit it off, parties on a weekly basis, 2 or even 3 in a week at once. But then deciding to put everything on hold totally killed me off. Plus, even though I've sold out and decided to play music I might not approve of in order to please the audience, I had a party last week to prove that, which went horribly wrong. Not that I was shit, far from that, in fact, if I had actually had a chance to play for just 30 minutes, I would've blew minds away, but there was no electricity in the venue, and add to the mix when the party was switched to an outdoor party, it started to rain. Will I get another chance? Probably not. Will I quit, and just stick to mixing in my bedroom? Fuck no. I'm not a quitter, Ii;ll keep trying, even though I completely refuse to be social and that's actually the most essential aspect to success, I'll start YouTube videos, and then I can play the music I like to people who like the same music. I'm not a quitter. My business exam is also a few days away. I'm not studying well, and today the flu struck quite heavily, but at this point, I'm more concerned about finishing exams than the actual exam. It's one paper, and I can't wait to be done with it. Material is running out. This is getting a little repetitive, me ranting about DJ'ing. Now I must follow it up with something interesting. I had something in mind last night, it was interesting but the problem is I don't remember what it is. Well here's the follow up, and its more of a controversial issue (since when are any of my posts not controversial). A friend of mine sent me a picture earlier and she was reading a book on how men think, or how their mind works or something. Not any man, but particularly your husband/fiance/boyfriend or whatever your significant other might be. Well, here's the deal. Men are pretty simple, and I know one guy pretty well, and that's myself, so basically, from my own self observation, and I'll try to be as non biased as possible, I'll try to give a fair evaluation. Basically, as a guy, I want success, fun (all the guys stuff), attention, and satisfaction. It's simple. Success is something my female mate at whichever point of my life isn't based on her, but what I want ,is support, Like for example, of course I'd expect a girl to support me in school and stuff, but then even if I have a hobby, and even a dream, as crazy as mine is, take DJ'ing for example, I'd expect her to support me, not through just telling I'm good, but even if I'm not, helping me get better. Fun is just a girl who's fun, be funny, acknowledge what he finds entertaining, whether sports, gaming, or whatever, just acknowledge that and have a positive vibe on him. As for attention, it's a major issue, always give men attention. We love that, and avoid giving attention to other guys, major drawback. As for satisfaction, I'm 16, but yeah, you get the point there. Whatever level your relationship might be, judge appropriately and act. I don't know, its simple stuff. I hope I made today's blog interesting. I had to attempt to make something out of nothing. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.  

Day 55: Pravda

Day 55: Pravda 

I have a business paper in four days and I'm 

quite amazed at how irresponsible I am at the moment. I'm typing up a blog instead, but I choose to blame the schedule for giving me a 10 day gap to study for one paper which completely rendered me inefficient, and I'm basically in Summer and vacation mode. Proof? Yesterday's wild night cruise. That was too much adrenaline for one night. Okay so basically, I decided as of lately for a couple of nights, to sort of "borrow" the house's car and take it for a midnight cruise with my friends. First night was legit, I was scared, could barely drive, but I imagined. Everyone was surprised I actually had the balls to do it. Second night was even more better as I started getting comfortable. Last night however, things took an interesting turn on more than one occasion. To begin with, as soon as I left the house, I decided to run into a cop checkpoint, and I was stopped. My voice was slightly shaking, my legs were shivering. I don't have a license, a cop in a bad mood simply meant trouble. To my luck, I had a learner's permit, which ironically wasn't even complete and useless. Took it out, he looked at it, then asked for papers for the car. The car had billions of papers. I had to think fast, but for a person with what once was a successful blog which he is now attempting to rejuvenate, persuasion wasn't a problem. I simply told him that I don't often drive this car, and had no clue where they were. It was a stunt. But it worked, I was off. Perfect so far. We had two cars, mine, and a friends. We were about roughly around 8 people. Well basically my friend's car decided to stop working, and the burden was on me to get everyone who lived in different corners of the city home, and get back home in time before my mom wakes up. I pulled it off, although through driving which made Fast and Furious races look like nothing. It might seem a bit boring on a paper, but believe, adrenaline was gushing through my blood vessels the entire night. Okay, so I'm sorry if I bored with this story. It was interesting for me, at least. I know you expected to indirectly insult people and call them hypocrites, even though you probably think I'm the biggest hypocrite here. With summer coming up however, I am running out of material. I'm also a bit sick at the moment, but I'll remain committed and attempt to post almost everyday. I shall go and attempt to be a bit productive. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 54: Graduate?

Day 54: Graduate?

Well first and foremost, I'm back. Tell your friends cause the occasional ranting you can relate to is back, making fun of my lifestyle, which is slightly ironic, talking about girls I "love", wrong choices, and me claiming I have morals, the usual. No, but seriously, I enjoyed the views cause at the moment DJ'ing isn't going great cause I took this whole year off and everyone forgot that I ever had a career or a mixer twice the size of most DJ's here. Okay yes you can be the shittiest DJ ever and own the best set, but it's still important what decks your using. Most people reading this don't know much about DJ'ing, but its sort of like me having a dick twice the size of the other people, and then for example, someone with a smaller male reproductive organ claiming he's better at sex, which is a possibility, but then sort of funny, and must mean I'm really shit for that to happen (which I hope I'm not). That didn't make sense, but what I wanted to say is that I enjoyed feeling I'm actually good at something, even if its feminine and made me come off as a 15 year old girl on her period, and I'm actually better in other stuff but don't get the recognition I believe I deserve. There's a change in me between my last post in September and now, I'm a high school graduate. The graduation is before the actual exam. Results are in August. I personally believe the graduation ceremony should be after the results, but I mean, there's a lot of external factors so that's obviously a no can do. I still have a business paper on the second of June, but it's merely a paper and I have a 10 day gap so I decided to horribly time my comeback in a time where some people have countless papers remaining. How'd I do? Worst than mocks in my opinion, but I'm just hoping it's enough for me to pull through and grant me entrance into one of my 3 options: University of Khartoum, the oldest, highly respected university. UMST, the prestigious if that's the word, or even a ticket to America even if that means a couple foundation years and almost a more than a 10th of the average human life span in university. So staying in Sudan obviously saves me a few valuable years before I get to have The Sudanese Dream of marrying a girl who was secretly a slut when younger(not that I'm saying all girls are), only to have her drain me financially, force me to interact with her family which is probably obnoxious, and live a boring life compromised of occasional budget vacations to non exotic locations. Glad to see I'm hostile and on attack mode on the day I'm back. I may be completely done with my high school experience in exactly 5 days, but I haven't changed, I'm simply maturing very slowly. I also refuse to associate myself with most people. No, I don't think I'm better than them. It may come off as that, it's just that, I prefer to keep my circles extremely tight, and now that high school is done, I will avoid interaction. Large parties I will attend, but probably nothing more. They're not my scene. I mean, it's always the same thing. There's some people that are drunk, one of the girls will probably start crying and the others will attempt comforting her whilst intoxicated. The drunk guys who just want to stick they're tongue down the first throat they see. The clique in a corner judging them and calling them sluts. The guys in another corner who are just acting like they're thugs. The other group of girls, well who, to be honest, really do anything. The girl I may potentially have set my eyes on or have a thing with hitting it off with some other guy, and occasionally eyeing me out of the corner of her eye. There's my friends, well who to be honest, are just checking girls out and complaining about how shit this place and want to leave. There's me, who's wondering how I even ended up here and wasted my day. Sums up high school for you. So really not my scene. I know I'm coming off as cocky, but I'm just really not social. Which is a problem since I want to DJ and that's to be honest, more based on the amount of people you know rather than how good you actually are. In the end though, it is what it is. Cheers to the most memorable years of my life so far, the worst and the best of times. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.