Day 41: Metallica Tapes

Day 41: Metallica Tapes

"Little whispers around your head, worry about yourself instead"

Depressed? Why have so many people put that label on me? I get I am, and for what to people are acceptable reasons but to me a bit pathetic. I don't like that label to be honest. I'm just simply having a down fall in this roller coaster of life. We all have it. Mine for this pathetic reason, other's for bigger issues which are more life impacting. Could be my fault for making this reason a big part of my life. Any who. not here to rant about that. Just saying, not really depressed, I'll patch myself up, always seem to be able to do that. This is post number 41. Most people who have been reading since Day 1, or the very beginning, probably have grown to know me, to the point where some people even judge me based on this. Can't blame them, I've given them a lot of reason to. You can judge me all you want, I'm not a guy who cares about criticism, reputation, or whatever most my friends and people my age worry about. The judgement I got the most was cocky person who's too "westernized". By westernized, I mean they believe I do not recognize that I'm from a country where my actions, mentality, beliefs, choices, and decisions are not accepted. Everyone wants to be accepted, and to most people other than my friends, I'm not. But here's the twist, I'm not like everyone, not saying I'm special, but, I've had a rough childhood and wasn't accepted in elementary school, and pushed around through most of middle school. If you were bullied as a kid, and a loner until the last two years of your high school life, you've pretty much braced yourself for the social nonacceptance of your junior and senior year. So for all these people not accepting me, and expecting me to change to acquire their acceptance, two words for you bitches, fuck you. I've had a period where I'd gotten quite a number of hate messages, but then its stopped recently. Why? Because you bitches can't shake me. I barely give a fuck about anyone's opinion, and I'm not like those other people claiming they don't. I've dealt with people's shit all my life, then had my social life blow up with a crazy career that I love. You can't shake me, and if you want to try, be my guest. I've been pushed around, so you're words don't hurt me, and I've been alone for a couple of years with no one I could even call a friend, so even if my friends turn out to be fake (Highly doubt that, with the likes of Lil Man, that's almost impossible), I've been alone before, and how do I respond? I get better grades which is even more satisfying than having most these fake friends around, I still have a decent career, and I don't need any of your company, I can cope perfectly fine with video games, a mixer, and endless humorous pictures on Facebook. That ladies and gentleman, has helped me reach a conclusion, I can't label myself as depressed, just stressed out of mind. Glad to see I could make myself feel better. With all due respect, Fiasco out. 

Day 40: Who Set the Alarm?

Day 40: Who Set the Alarm? 

"Time solves all"

Finally starting to be a bit more convincing. I would like to state that I'm not depressed as many people have assumed due to my past post. Well I am, but that's nothing hours of musical therapy and distraction methods can't patch up. Any who, I have something I want to talk about (for once). I will rant, but it's nothing I can say works me up, but it does bother to a massive extent. That ladies and gentleman, is interference. I certainly had my share today. Can't give out a lot of details, but I'll give enough for you to be able to relate, and maybe even vaguely picture my situation. So we all have best friends, close friends, or whatever you want to call them. Sometimes, you trust these people to an extent in which they know the smallest details of your life. I have a number, maybe 2 or 3 who qualify for the title of knowing everything about me. One of these specific people lives a very reckless and wild lifestyle. It's one that's great and led to a pretty decent friendship for a year. Ultimately, it led to what we call a brotherhood. So when seeing me in the position I was recently, and the constant stress levels I suffer from, he decided to take matters "into his own hand". I noticed something a bit out of line, and after out putting some pressure on him, well little at all, he spilled the beans. He told me what he did, claiming he was trying to help and put me out of what he called misery. Well, not misery precisely, but a few small words that mean that. It's an inside joke about his vocabulary. (Haha, you're supposed to laugh now). So any who, he was trying to help, cause that's what friends do, help each other. But you know, this was just something which didn't call for interfering and something I'd wanted my own self to handle, even though I probably couldn't. So I might not approve of it, something I wish that person didn't interfere in. Might not have liked it, and wish it didn't happen. But that also made me realize something. Nowadays, its rare to find friends like him. I mean he took his own time, interfered in something which completely didn't effect him nor did he have anything to do with, and well I don't know what the results are yet, whether his actions cause things to spiral up, or turn for the better, he is a true friend. He cares about me. I mean no other friend would take the risk of potentially digging my grave for me deeper than it already is, in an attempt of pulling me out of it. It's like there's a bullet in me, and if he can pull it out, I'm relieved of the pain. He either pulls it out, or waits for the paramedics which take forever to show up. Pulling it out can either destroy me, or relieve me. And what he did, he pulled it out. Why? Cause fuck it, let's be reckless, and hope for the best right? That's honestly the kind of friend I need. The thing is, I was pissed when I found out, out of my mind. I knew he had no clue what he was doing, poor interpretation, and no sense of direction. But I felt he took the risk picturing he was in my shoes. Fuck it, I can't explain, hope you got me. So now I'm stressed out of my mind over what his decisions could result in, but I'm happy, cause even though this arguably the worst way how, I felt I truly had a friend present today. Kind of mixed emotions, let's just pray for the best. With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 39: Solar Midnight

Day 39: Solar Midnight

"Throw away the darkness, I wanna see you shining"

Apologies again. It's become a bit ironic how I always start off apologizing about how I haven't updated in quite a while. I have a justification though this time. It's just that I've been attempting to bottle up a lot of emotions. Emotions which if I type out directly now, will get me in quite a lot of trouble. Let's just say things haven't been great, well far from great. Pressure has been piling up on me from all directions. Confusion about so many things. I don't even know what I should make my priorities, what cards I should use, what faces I should show. The only reason people read this is cause apparently people's pain and struggles is entertaining. I mean I have about 5 or so friends who all blog, none who share anywhere as much as I do. Ironically, only 2 which is less than half (do your math), still blog at a decent or daily rate. Why has quite a large proportion quit? Well it's ironically because they don't share enough. I mean when you blog about your personal life, it's either your a celebrity with a massive number of readers you feel somewhat obliged to update about whatever you're famous for, or your like me. Me? I live a stressful life, I mean don't we all? Our problems somewhat differ from person to person. Don't criticize me too much for what I say next. But the problem's of a homeless person trying to earn money who isn't in a life or death situation, could potentially be the same level of stress as that of one of the world's millionaire's. Ladies and gentleman, I don't intend to say that there at the same level of importance, but depending on the perspective, they could be at the same level of pain towards that person. But that really depends on the person too, and that, is where I have major issues. I don't stress about everything, but when I do stress about something, it's disastrous. One of the reasons I have this blog is to deal with that issue. It's been extremely effective. But at some times, and this is certainly one of them, it's pointless. The topic I'm stressing about is controversial at what the reasons are, whether I should accept it, whether I should pretend it's not bothering me while it's killing me and all I think about, whether the arguments presented are logical, and they are without a doubt, but to what extent? I mean I go and talk to my two or three very close friends who know everything about me, and each one gives me a different interpretation from the others including myself. It's killing me, to the point where I've let my imagination distract me. Where I've let overdosed myself in music, fuck, it's to the point where I've been looking forward to things like studying hoping they suck me out of this emotional roller coaster. Believe me, nothing works. I don't even think this is that big of an issue, and it shouldn't be, but then when I realize that, it makes me feel more pathetic and helpless than I already am. So what does all this make me realize? I'm a cocky yet an emotionally unstable, person who cares too much, worries about the little things cause there's probably no big things, who's got to set his priorities straight. Most importantly, with all these mixed emotions, and instability in my life, I am a person who could stop giving a fuck faster than you blink. But then again, what happens when you want to care? When this is probably the only priority you feel you can't set straight, yet you love it, even though it's killing you. I mean I'm not a dude who's not used to these situations, I'm 15, have a career, and so far have been balancing almost perfectly with my education. I work my way around everything, but this, I guess patience, endurance, and distraction will be my only way out. I hate it when that's my only option. "Throw away the darkness, I wanna see you shining." My mind has thrown itself in its own hole, someone throw me a fucking rope and hope I'm not to gassed out to pull my pathetic over thinking self out. Well at least this blog isn't pointless. Got a lot of my chest today. Somewhat indirectly except to a few people. At least I hope so, I honestly don't need any more controversial problems in my life.  With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 38: Animal Pharm

Day 38: Animal Pharm 

"A DJ is an artist and the dancefloor is his canvas"

So by now we all noticed how horrible I am in keeping you all up to date. Sincerest apologies. I've had pretty rough, and no one there for me really. Well there are people there for me, but I want a specific someone to be there for me, and let's just say, I can't reach out to them at the moment. It's not really a matter of me facing any sort of issues, but they were a source of happiness which I temporarily don't have. As for my DJ career, it's alright I guess. As for my lifestyle, especially my lifestyle, I've put aside going out with three figured amount of money in my pocket, and decided that financially, I should direct it to things of more value. So as soon as I get the chance, I'm jumping on a new laptop for DJ'ing and personal use, new equipment such as a stand for my mixer, and laptop, which in general would make me look much more professional when I perform. Any who, I had a party on Tuesday. Let me just say the countless hours of practice finally paid off. A packed and full dancefloor for the whole party, people going insane, so full you can't even leave the place! I even had people clap for me at the end  I'm really proud of that, and I'm looking to establish my name as one of the top in what I do in this country, and hell, why not the world at some point? It'd be nice for my hobby to develop into something massive. That of course, won't effect my persuasion of university, and a proper education, and a more common, and mature occupation. I seem to have my whole life planned out, but something I and I'm sure most of you have learned, is that life can spiral downwards or upwards at any given moment. I shall, hopefully, leave this country soon. But before I do, I just want one proper party, with lasers piercing the smoke filled air, a crowd just enjoying there time. So today I know I've mostly focused my words on my career, but that's because I don't really have much to talk about anymore. I mean I have my friends who certainly have been rocking it out, cruises, hangouts, you name it. The little that remain though. Nothing else at the moment I can say that stands out. I'll try keeping things up to date. With all due respect, Fiasco out. 

Day 37: Hexes

Day 37: Hexes

"The greatest mental freedoms is truly not caring what anyone else thinks of you."

I missed another day. Apologies. I'm enrolled in 3 different summer courses, so its hard for me to keep up with all the homework. Not to mention, in all 3, I have a test new week. Gotta love summer. I've been in a good mood recently though. Mostly cause of a person who inflicted and enforced her positive vibe on me. So, thank you for that, even though you'll probably read this without noticing. Let me guess, you're expecting a rant. Not today though! I actually typed up a whole rant, but decided to delete it. I know I wasted time, but being honest, I have nothing better to do. Which ultimately means, I have nothing to talk about. So I guess, my fingers are going to type, and whatever comes out, comes out. So here's something ironic about me. So I talk a lot about my relationship, which unfortunately, is a plural on this blog. Makes me seem like an asshole. Let's just say I've accepted the past, and from now decided to leave it there. So don't expect me, talking about too many past experiences. But here's the thing, I talk a lot about them, and my personal life to be honest. I don't have that much personal information though, I tend to avoid drama, and I don't keep much secrets, nor do I have many. I mean I have a somewhat successful blog based on my life, you don't keep that much secrets when you blog. I don't really know how to say this. I mean I wouldn't mind sitting down with someone I barely know and talk about my relationship for example, but then when I get asked to say her name for example, which happens a lot on public sites such as that ask one, I tend to avoid saying it. Don't rush to conclusions, its not that I'm ashamed of her anything, I'd yell her name out to the world if I could. But that's my point, the world I'm in, at least this society, I can't feel comfortable saying it. Its sort of a paranoia. Why? There's many people that would be ready to put me, to put us through hell for just being together. I'm not referring to family members or people not accepting of the whole situation. I mean other people, like our age, who don't know about it. There's so much envy, so much hate pointed in no direction these days. People who just envy you for being happy. I can't lie and say "they can't effect us". These people would get out of there way, just to try and knock couples, singles, people in general off course. I mean personally, I don't care about much, except one person for example. So they come, bring up every sin that person has ever done, and claim they're friends. I'm not making much sense here, but you get my point. I can't explain any situation clearly. My point is, be careful about how public your life is, especially things you care about. I'm one of the very few people who barely care about anything, and don't care about judgement and criticism. But sometimes, people try using those very few things you care about against you. Sadly, most of them pretend they're your friends. Don't give them much to talk about! I'm keeping it short today, since I've been in a good mood. Take care everyone! Sorry for not making much sense, but I'm sure you all comprehended the basic message I'm trying to show. With all due respect, Fiasco Out!  

Day 36: The Wolfpack

Day 36: The Wolfpack 

"Banish the fear of death from a man's heart and they would not live a day"

Haven't really blogged in the last two. That's cause there's nothing to talk about. Nothing at all has happened in the past two days. So this means, I'll have to kill you with more of my conspiracies, theories, or whatever you want to call them. I'll just randomly keep going and whatever is said is said. Let me first start off with a very controversial topic. Yes, I'm going to rant, so brace yourselves. Before I start off, let me make this very clear, this isn't about anyone, so please, don't assume I'm writing this about someone. There's a lot of people who do this,so you can just laugh at how on point I am about this. Two days ago, I said there are guys who ditch there homies for chicks. Now I don't mean a girlfriend in this situation, just for the presence of females. I'd understand if we were in a club in Ibiza, but in school, or in a public place in this country, are you trying to get laid for example? That will happen when pigs fly out of my ass. Let me not get off point though. Here's what really gets me though. Those guys, who like literally would suck the dick of one specific girl if she had one. Those guys who aren't friendzoned, or like who aren't genuinely nice guys. Like you know, most of them are like me, not the friendzone type, and have a reputation of being a flirt, or like just an asshole for example. Not that I'm asshole (I hope), but I'm just trying to prove a point. And what I've noticed has become a trend, is that they suck the dick of elite girls. Like you know they're all over those girls. Like you always see them interfering in all of the girls problems, always following them around like they're a bitch (female dog in this situation). Not like I would really care, its just so fucking annoying being exposed and in the presence of dudes who are girls bitches. Here's the hilarious part, let's say they liked her, and that's the reason they're stooping so low, in probably all the cases, they probably couldn't even get close to anything emotional with that chick. And if all the heavenly powers came together, and made that happened, they'd still get there ass dumped in like a week tops! It's annoying, but I guess its funny too. I won't lie, I was once like that. I used to suck up to some chick I liked in middle school (I was 12 or 11 when this happened though, I have a justification). Unlike most these bitches, I had gotten somewhere, I asked her to slow dance, it went really well, and just when I was about to go in for my lethal 12 year old kill, my "best friend" had told me she didn't like me. Surprise surprise, two weeks later he's dating her. They break up on like the last day of school. I confess everything, and she tells me she liked me and would've said yes at that time if I had asked her out. So at least I was successful at being a bitch, unlike most of these dudes now, when I was 12, so suck it bitches. But I would never stoop low like these dudes here do now. So anyways, I'd like to keep it short today, and for the sake of God, please, don't think I'm narrowing this down to one, two, or even a billion dudes. It's just this trend that's been showing up a lot recently and I just wanted to point out that its annoying and pathetic. I've actually been in quite a good mood recently. I've caught up with one of my great friends and she's had this positive vibe that she inflicts on me, so I'm all good, not that you'd care though (Just kidding, you know I love you). With all due respect, Fiasco Out. 

Day 35: Suga Suga

Day 35: Suga Suga

"Sugar, how you get so fly?"

The amount of assumptions I got yesterday, unimaginable. You mean so and so about this. Firstly, I never directly pick on someone through this blog, nor would I ever talk about someone directly on this blog. Sometimes I'm pissed and could rant about someone, and make it pretty obvious, but there wasn't a specific person on my mind when I was describing the hypocrites of this country. So please, save yourself and your brain the work of thinking if I meant someone by something I said, but I'm sure you could think of a lot of people when I described the features of our local hypocrites. Not to mention, if you thought I meant someone by one of my statements, then you probably think they're a hypocrite. Speaking about yesterday's post, its hilarious how something similar went down today. No need to go into any details though. So basically, you know those childhood songs, you listened to when you were like 10 and you've just heard it and its even 5 years old or something? You did the usual thing and killed the song by constantly playing it for a week or two and completely forgot about it. So yeah, its forgot, and lost in your old Ipod which is dusted up and stopped working a few years ago, not to mention its screen is cracked and you've probably destroyed it. Okay enough details, let's get to the point. Years later, you've met someone. Who's somehow affected you to the point, where your mind (or heart, don't want to seem too cheesy) goes back years back, and suddenly the beat, the lyrics, the melody, the vocals, everything about it, seems to be perfect. That ladies and gentleman, is the effect of suddenly, and quickly falling for someone. Unlike every girl I've ever been with or had feelings for, this isn't a one night stand attempt gone wrong. From the very beginning, you knew it was real, that this is something you want to last. I'm very big on music, its almost a lifestyle for me, one that sculpted me and made me who I am at the moment. I mean even emotional things for me need music. Can you slow dance without music? Have you ever felt the difference when you've kissed someone with nothing playing, and when there's just a simple and calm piano or violin playing the background? I mean there's a million things I can state, these are just a couple. So basically, I've been constantly raping the replay button for one specific song. The reason is, I jokingly told a very special someone that this specific song reminded me of her, and when that happened, there was no us. It was just me and her, so we really weren't an item, yet, and nor did I think we were going to be at that point to be honest. And for some reason, I was the DJ at a party she was at, and I decided to slow things down, and picked that song out. I asked her to dance, held her in my arms, and we moved slowly to the song, I even remember how she couldn't have her hands on my shoulder cause I was too tall. She wrapped them around me, I had mine around hers, and the chemistry was just unbelievable. There's so much more situation me and her had, wait let me correct the me and her, "we", "us". That felt really good to say. So my point is, music and emotions, precisely the non hormonal teenage kind of love that I'm in at the moment, the real kind, can pretty much cause a feeling and sensation so strong you feel like you've been in heaven when both combine. I've had songs with a lot people, some who were at times more than friends, but non the I can say I listen to on a daily basis like I do with this song. None that I can write a full blog on for sure! Any who, I don't want to keep going about it forever, oh, and for me, the specific song I'm talking about at the moment is: "Baby Bash ft. Frankie J - Suga Suga." This is probably one of the first posts I've written while smiling the whole time! "Got me lifted, shifted higher than the ceilin', and oohwee it's the ultimate feelin', you got me lifted, feeling so gifted, Sugar, how you get so fly?: With all due respect, Fiasco Out.

Day 34: 21 & Over

Day 34: 21 & Over

A hypocrite is a person who- but isn't?

Today wasn't the best of days. So basically, let's just say its been sort of a let down. It's a bit annoying when someone is only concerned about himself, and its not like I'd usually give a fuck, but I will when there selfishness leads to me losing something that could potentially matter to me, for example, a party. Let's just say its a bit annoying. Okay, let's just keep it that, I'm a bad person to constantly fuck over. I know this is kind of direct, but fuck it, let's just say I'm pissed as fuck at the moment, and I have a reason to, at least I think so. Any who, I've got another topic to rant about, which I was planning to rant about since last night. The hypocrites of this amazing nation. Okay, so basically, since I know a lot of people from outside the country read this. I live in an Islamic nation. No parties after 11, you can't go out dressed to badly (for girls I mean), no clubs, alcohol, you name it. That's government wise. Family wise, most people my age can't chill with girls openly and even if they can, it has massive limits, dating is a massive sin to most families and they'll shoot your ass if they find you with there daughter, let's see, you can't dress to badly, no cursing openly, I don't know, not much I can think about, those are what stand out. Before I start bashing at a majority of the people, this isn't direct to anyone, but if the shoe fits, lace that bitch up! So let me start with the guys. They're out fucking girls every night (maybe not really, but you get my point). But if someone says hi to there sister, they'll fucking hunt you down and attempt killing you. I don't have a sister, so I might not know what it feels like, but hey, I don't, so I can't fit in this category! (Massive bad guy laugh). If you've just been with a chick, and hunted a guy down for doing to the same to whoever matters you, you my friend, are a fucking hypocrite! Let's see, I've also dealt with lots of guys who'll ditch his crew for just being in the presence of females, and to guys like that, you might not be a hypocrite, but you're umm, what's the right word....got it! A bitch, just like the bitches you're with! Let's start pointing out the amazing hypocrite actions of some girls in this country. Oh God, this actually the group the makes me laugh the most, and there's a lot of chicks who fit in this category. So basically, you're religious cause you wear hijab and cover your hair up. Respect to all the ladies that do that. But I don't think there's a point when that's your hair is the only thing guys isn't seeing, am I right? Let's just dumb it down a bit, know this is delicate topic, but the girls who cover up there hair but there ass is all over the place. I mean excuse miss, the whole place is checking out your ass in those tight ass neon yellow or bright red pants your wearing. Just saying yo. I mean I just wanted to focus on those who are religiously and morally hypocritical. There's so much more categories, but are all over the world, the bitches, fake friends, you name it. But these are kind of a bit more local, in my country, and countries similar to mine. I know a few of you laced that shoe up and found yourself somewhere there, and you're making excuses and trying to justify yourself mentally and hate me now cause you think this is about you. Bashing was just an expression, this is more of me trying to shoot a point across. You're not hated for being that, sometimes, wrongfully respected for it. But please acknowledge you're a hypocrite, and anyone with a mentality like mine, has no respect for you at all! Any who, about the title, its a fucking crazy movie, I'd suggest checking it out if your into shit like The Hangover and Project X. Not much to talk about! With all due respect, Fiasco out.

Day 33: Take Care of the Paperwork

Day 33: Take Care of the Paperwork

"A nation and its people, third world, and based on hypocrisy"

Told you I was back. Like for real this time. To be honest, apart from a few motivations, I have to admit the fact that I have nothing better do also had a major role to play. Which is also bad news, because if I have nothing to do, that means nothing is happening in my life, which in conclusion means I barely have anything to talk about. I've gotten sick of telling stories from my very "bright: past. I've kind of accepted it, and decided to just leave it there. So that leads to probably to a few topics I can talk about: my DJ career, how amazing my misses is, or my amazing plans for future which I doubt can true. I know anyone barely comments, but it would help a lot if you could tell me which one from this topics which I know you don't care about, is most appealing to you. It's worth a try asking, since I asked for prayers to get a number last time, and I got that. It's a joke by the way, since I know many third world faggots probably took that wrong when reading. Any who, upcoming plans, I have a party on Thursday. The crowd seems to a bit older than I am, and I don't like that, since I really can't interact much with them, and most of the time, people think they're too cool and no one dances and just chill, which leads to boredom since at that point I'm nothing more than a jukebox. Change of subjects, I have something quite the number of people can relate to. You know when you really miss someone, like its someone who you're like addicted to, whether its your current soul mate, family member, or even a close friend. Well there's probably two people who stand out for me at the moment. I don't want to go into details, since I don't like appearing as someone who is too emotional (Cause I'm not, at least that's what I tell myself). Well let's just one, really matters to me, more than the others. I'm not a person who likes distance. It kills me. Especially in situations like this, cause you tell the person you miss them, and would kill to be with them, and you're thinking about them every second, and hell, its to the point where every night you're laying down wondering what they're up to, just laying there, and thinking about one person for hours, sleepless until the sun is rising and your body fails and goes into hibernation mode by itself. You tell them that after not talking to them for what seems like forever to you, but then its also unbelievable, cause its rare that someone cares about someone this much. So you believe that they think they're just words, but that's really what they're going to. Any who, to anyone who can relate, you know its quite, you know, can't really find the word to describe that feeling. Cause at the time, its somewhat a mixed emotion of joy and sorrow since your words seem unbelievable. Okay, becoming a bit too emotional and I'm starting to appear like I'm a fag. On the other hand, I just really miss a good friend of mine, hell, probably my closest friend, who you know by Lil Man. We used to chill every day before he left, and my life has become really plain since he left, so knock yourself out while I remain in this hell hole for the next month. Oh, and I've also been referred to as a "local" blogger. Just wanted to say, I hate the local word, cause that shows while we're from the same place, how we're separated from the rest of the world. So fuck you to this country I'm from. I love you, but fuck your way of thinking, based on a Western style of living with a hypocritical belief in religion. Bringing religion, mixing it with tradition, and creating your own belief and claiming you're being religious. At least I know who to pick on my next post. With all due respect, Fiasco out. 

 

Day 32: Champagne is Overrated

Day 32: Champagne is Overrated 

"I want you to be happy, even if I'm not"

This is the part of Summer where everything goes downhill, perfect ey? Friends traveled, parents constantly bitching, summer courses, kind of shitty. Any who, so basically, let's just say, my infamous blog is back. Bad news for my fake friends, my social life, and most importantly, could be for my relationship. Reason is, I figured people actually read this shit, and criticize me too based on it (I really don't mind though, its nothing compared to what I get in real life). So basically, I got twitted by someone else who blogs. A female from my uneducated country that can actually write, and blog. Kind of like my dream chick right after a DJ chick. I'll work on getting her number though (Putting aside the fact that stating that has just ruined my chances). Alright, so basically, here's the deal. I've been criticized by my dream girl right here. So basically I've been nagging about how when I was dating my ex we wouldn't get physical and all that. Won't deny it, I'm quite a pussy when it comes to that. But I can provide an explanation to somewhat cover for the asshole guy that wants to take advantage of girls picture that was painted for me. So basically, I'd have to go back in time (I hate doing that, and this is going to cause quite the controversy). So basically, if you weren't around me at that time, and unaware of the details of the whole situation. I was with a girl, who I had no way to contact at all outside of school and didn't go out at all, and that included school vacations which meant weeks and sometimes months without talking. I'm in a school where I couldn't talk with that person at all, other than sit together in classes, where we could barely talk. I was never a guy who saw anything passed a hug a necessity in most relationships, and I still think that. Let's just say all the couples (except very few) in my grade, and even younger grades, were you know, getting busy. And the occasional few friends with benefits which made it worse. I'm not a very religious person, nor do I care about this country morale's, and what people think is wrong, or right.  I wasn't in a great position, and I needed a few pushes, and with everything else missing in the certain relationship, that was the only thing I found. Even with the nagging, I'd still had barely gotten anywhere, but that "barely" had me motivated to push that commitment to half a year, which is an unbelievable accomplishment since most couples in my school barely get past a month. So notice how I had put up with a lot of things, I doubt most guys would've put up with, and, as usual, I still had gotten dumped (Got used to it). Which is a whole other essay I won't talk about unless obliged. There's still a lot I want to say about this whole thing, and instead of just ending it, I'll keep going (Bare with me). Some people could say, you do all these things which you think are going to make it work, but in the end it doesn't, and I'd make the girl feel like she's been used and all. Well let's just say, I'm a blogger, a poet (surprise!), and an occasional novel reader. It doesn't get more homo than that. When I get with a girl, I show her that I'm dedicated, and something I've even said to a girl before who knew she was the reason I wasn't happy: "Ive committed myself to you, even if it costs my own happiness, I want you to be happy, just being with me." That's what I do in every relationship, and I still get dumped. Oh, and I don't do break ups, I'd go an empty tank if that's what it takes, but most people don't, and emotions are usually just a game to them, so yeah, Fiasco flies solo. But thank God, things have changed, for the very better. Damn, I've gone on forever, any who, check out the blog I'm taking about: http://justazza.blogspot.com/ And last favor, pray that I get that number! With all due respect, and the highest of respect if you prayed that I've gotten the number, and with utmost respect to the blogger who's kicked started this infamous blog, Fiasco Out.