Missed a day. I kind of have been doing this workout routine and I was planning to blog after it, but I kind of was exhausted and fell asleep after it. So sorry about that. Not in the best of mood, far from a good mood. Might as well blow away some steam on this blog. You only feel low, after being high. Let me put it this way, I was having a really high point, now, it's really low. There's not much to my life. This is clearly isn't about my career, that's going pretty well. I'm just trapped in the boundaries of my own mind. It's like I wake up, and this is all I'm thinking about, I listen to a song when I'm in a good mood and struck gold with a nice mix or remix, and then there's a lyric that reminds me of this whole situation, and it instantly makes me rant. I try laying down and getting some sleep and it just haunts me. I hide it under joking around with my friends about it, when deep down inside, this is devouring what faith I have left. It's my fault for breaking my own rules. I live by a set of rules, which I believe are meant to be broken, but its days, more like weeks, where I've regret breaking one of my rules. Don't make anything your main source of happiness, so when it's not there, you turn into this over emotional blogging faggot. I feel pathetic about myself. My thoughts don't make it any better. It's like at one point I'm perfectly fine, and my mind is thinking optimistically, then at other points, confusion. Not going to say its doubt, or regret. I don't regret it at all, or doubt it a bit. I know in order to feel high, I have to feel low. Then my mind throws in all these bi polar thoughts: "But why have I been low for such a long time? When's the high going to kick in? Stop giving so much effort, if its mutual, then it'll come back. Look how long you've been waiting, this is how its always going to be. You're an over attached faggot. Holy fuck, I'm your brain so that makes me over attached since I'm you. Maybe the high was over before it begun. I need a shot now, lot's of shots. Shit, I don't drink. But I sure as hell want to if it makes you forget." Sorry if that was confusing, but that's seriously my whole day on repeat. It also kills me to see how every one else has it perfectly, and then I'm not even a drop of that. Fuck this, I seriously need lots of shots at the moment. With all due respect, Fiasco Out.
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