Day 45: In Love With Medusa

Day 45: In Love With Medusa

"Go on, and let your intent be seriousness"

So my last two posts got "accidentally" deleted. Not really. I just felt like I shared things which I didn't feel comfortable sharing. Enough said. Today was quite the day. For the past hour or so, I've been Skyping with a good friend of mine, Lil Man to all those who've been keeping up from the early days. I've been coldly replying and just saying "yeah, okay, sure" as replies. Why? Cause this is thinking time. My brain automatically just starts analyzing everything. It's not like I'm over thinking. It's more like I'm thinking about many prospects of my current life and future. Let's start by stating, I have too many fake friends. Some too close, and that I've made a big mistake trusting. These are the kinds of people who are taking advantage of me, and manipulating me. Surprisingly, they show up at good times, and then when I have bad moments, they're still there. Didn't make sense right? They are there, no denying that. But they stand there telling you it's your fault, and refuse to get involved what so ever. You push them into it, since you believe they're your friends, but then you notice, they're only taking advantage of you. Call me crazy, but I've been getting these dreams lately. Now I'm far from superstitious, but they've been repetitive. Some I've refused, and will not talk about to anyone. It's happened four or five times. I'm the type of person who has dreams which never make sense, but these ones, super realistic, to the point where when I wake up, I don't know if I'm still dreaming or not. Something certainly is up. These dreams have touched every aspect of my life so far, and sadly, given me negative results in all of them. I'd rather stop talking about this before I get a knock on the door tomorrow and end up in a mental clinic. I think this is all a result of me stressing out and barely getting any sleep lately. I've just honestly had too much to think about. Ramadan isn't that big of an issue with me. I fast regularly, and avoid all negative things during fasting hours. I do all the mandatory things. Won't lie and say I've been going over the top, because still, I'm far from what you call religious and recognize that. My relationship? It's been alright. Settling in, and fighting with all my power to make sure it still going on in an amazing pace, yet that's been quite difficult lately due to the horrendous emptiness in my state of mind which I've been suffering from. Basically, I over think everything, and that causes assumptions, which are correct at times, but wrong at others. Let's keep it at that. None the less, judging on today's conversation rate and topics, it's going pretty well. Here's the major issue. I've decided to put my career on a steady hold next year, I have enough distractions already. No more parties. I'll mix at home for fun, but I don't need the stress of parties pressuring me. I have high hopes, and I'm aiming for top grades, and I know how that much of a challenge it could be. I need to ace my IG's, and end up in a tropical country university. I don't need a scholarship, I just need to be accepted into a top college. I've been analyzing my probability of ending up in a first class college, and let's just say, my mind has been quite disappointing. But I'm the type of person who responds positively when in a negative mentality. I'm starting to doze off now, let's just hope I wake up in a less serious mood. With all due respect, Fiasco out.